Finding timelessness: a multitasking queen hits the pause button

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in American culture,career,community,family,origin,self-image

Cafe Mosaic by CSBayar

By CATHERINE SALTER BAYAR

Trading a trend-frenzied design life in the West for a life as the owner of a textile shop and waterpipe bar in the East, I’ve learned about “savoring the hours and minutes rather than just counting them”.

My perception of time changed when I changed cultures.

Once time was hectic. Then it became village paced: taking cues from the rhythms of nature, lingering over large meals and tea, cultivating the garden, chatting with friends. I welcomed the chance to slow down and adjust to my new world.

In our carpet shop, surrounded by the handcrafted work from a past nearly gone in Turkey, or in the midst of nargile-smoking travelers from around the planet in our Café Mosaik, time lengthened even more. I lost track of the hours talking to customers, got caught up in the daily street life dramas of a Turkish small town. Embracing the spirit of ‘sonra’ — later — I was more often lulled into meditating on sunlit dust motes than avenging them with a mop.

This former queen of multi-tasking lost my compulsion for doing and gained an appreciation of being. Pauses are often as important as purpose.

Ultimately village pace couldn’t sustain two ambitious dreamers. This spring, my husband and I moved to a bustling megacity to start a business championing timeless crafts made at the speed of a handheld needle. Irony: producing handcrafts with village women in the midst of 15+ million people. But sheltered within the Old City, perhaps we can create a little timelessness too.

How has your relationship with time been changed by other places and cultures?


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California native Catherine Salter Bayar creates knitwear, seeks textile treasure, and has left her house on Ayasuluk Hill for a room in Istanbul’s Sultanahmet. She writes about it all in her upcoming book, Weaving Our Way Home.
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Tagged as: Catherine Salter Bayar, expat+HAREM series, fashion designer, fast-paced, interior designer, Istanbul, megacity, multi-tasking, nargile, pace of life, Selcuk, Sultanahmet, timelessness, Turkey, Turkish, village, waterpipe

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  • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

    “Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it.”Jonathan Fields on instant karma

  • Guest

    “Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it.” Jonathan Fields on instant karma

    –Catherine Salter Bayar

  • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

    Thank you, Jennifer. Time is a funny thing – we all have the same amount each day. What we chose to do with it is so important. And that's the perfect word you use…to “savor” time spent doing what we love.

  • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

    Thanks Elmira! I hope that Istanbul and I can forge a balanced relationship – pounding the hot streets today in search of a certain store had me wondering. But I'm inspired and enjoying life and how I'm spending it.

    BTW, your latest blog post is right on – just commented!

  • http://www.dividingmytime.typepad.com Jennifer

    Pauses and purpose…so important! Wonderful writing Catherine, thanks for sharing your sense of time and place with us. Time is such an elusive commodity, and it is so important to savor it. Really enjoyed this!

  • http://www.wondermentwoman.com Elmira

    Thanks for your post Catherine. And congrats on the move to the big city. It’s wonderful that Istanbul can benefit from your perspective, as can I – I need to slow down and enjoy this thing we call life.
    .-= Elmira’s latest blog ..Be careful what you wish for =-.

  • http://www.wondermentwoman.com Elmira

    Thanks for your post Catherine. And congrats on the move to the big city. It’s wonderful that Istanbul can benefit from your perspective, as can I – I need to slow down and enjoy this thing we call life.
    .-= Elmira’s latest blog ..Be careful what you wish for =-.

  • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

    Beautifully written, Catherine.

    The imagery is so vivid, I almost feel like your shadow in both the village and big city, seeing your gait change with the situations.

    One of my most memorable experiences of the timelessness you describe was at an exhibit of The Buddha’s Relics in Geneva. The organisers had collected all four of the relics, from Sri Lanka, Thailand, Burma and…yikes, a fourth country I can’t remember. It was right when I had started meditating for the first time and I felt it was such a powerful sign that the relics of the man who was teaching me how to teach myself inner tranquility came to as random a place as Geneva, Switzerland.

    I joined in the Tibetan meditation sessions, which used a combination of chanting and sound to guide the meditation. It was the longest I ever meditated: 1 hour. When I came back to a “normal” state I found that I could not walk at all. My body was used to walking so fast, thinking so fast. The hour had slowed everything down save for the muscle memory that suddenly became moot. I felt like an idiot, my dancer’s body not cooperating with a basic walking movement, but at the same time I realised that I had experienced something profound. I smiled at all the people who were looking at me wondering if I was going to pass out or something. They smiled back, I felt amazing.

    Although I am a fierce walker here in Prague, from time to time I remember that moment – the power of The Buddha’s Relics, meditating with him, laughing at my slowed down self – and I feel at peace.

    Thank you so much for reminding me of this beautiful event and giving me a chance to share it with you.

    Love,

    Sezin

    • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

      Profound, yes! Thank you for sharing your experience, Sezin. How wonderful to have such a memory to take you back to the feeling you had then. ‘Altered’ states can teach us valuable lessons for surviving those busy streets. I just Googled “Buddha’s relics” and came up with this tour. Don’t know if it’s the same project, but the next US town it visits is where my parents live. Kismet!

      It’s the second time today I’ve been reminded of the importance of ritual in finding timelessness. The other was visiting a link Anastasia posted in which designers reimagined fundamental Turkish objects – prayer beads, hamam sets, tea cups, among others. One designer created special dishware for lokum, the sugary sweet the rest of the world knows as Turkish Delight. I was more captured by the text:

      “Some things are precious, no matter how much they actually cost. Time, they say, is precious. Which usually means fast is good. But also slowness, the apparent ‘waste’ of time in search of reflection, is precious…Keyif is a little bit like that…After all, isn’t slowness, and rituals, exactly what keyif is about?”

      Turkish life is full of rituals, especially around food. Keyif means ‘pleasure’; in this case, the kind that comes from the enjoyment of life’s simple things. From your spiritual, internal experience to this social, external – seems there are many ways to bend time to the speed we desire.

      And I’ve bent it now by nearly writing another post…while fireworks are sparkling here out over the Bosphorus. Keyif, indeed.

      • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

        What a fantastic response, Catherine. I have to admit I got a bit emotional and teary eyed reading it. But in a good way. :-)

        I had a look at the site about The Relics you posted and though it’s not the same people who organised the event I went to, the spirit is the same. You should totally tell your parents to check it out. I think it would at least be interesting for them. A window into a different world. The one I attended was the first ever time that the Relics from various temples ever left their “homes” and it’s not happened again since then.

        I love the idea of Keyif, and the description of the lokum is something that also strikes a chord with me. I remember many beautiful descriptions in Turkey – how the English would be just a little bit off, but adding to the charm regardless. And lokum! Yum! One of my favorites since I was a child, though I can’t eat it anymore at all.

        Thinking of timelessness and my first experience with The Buddha’s Relics led me to remember seeing one of the Relics again years later in Sri Lanka, at Kandy’s Temple of the Tooth. My experience with Buddhism was very different from the Buddhism practised in Sri Lanka, which is sort of hereditary Buddhism and doesn’t include the aspect of meditation considered vital in Tibetan Buddhism, for example. Buddhists from around the world go to Kandy to pay their respects to the Relic, and when we went I was thinking of my mind-altering experience the previous time.

        Well, it was a shock to my system how pushy and rude and horrible all of the people were in The Temple of the Tooth. It was an absolute cattle call, herding people past the Relics with barely a moment to see the Relics or absorb the greatness of whose body was encased in the shrine. In the sweltering heat there was no mindfulness, only pushing, shoving, growling individuals rushing to catch a glimpse before the caretakers unceremoniously slammed the door to the shrine in our faces.

        From a moment of timelessness with the Relics to the absolute opposite. I remember being upset initially, but then I reminded myself at how lucky I was to have had such a beautiful first experience, which turned into sympathy for how so many others are forced to pay such rudimentary respects in the Relics’ home.

        These contradictions in life are so strange and beautiful.

        • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

          Sezin, that was the perfect reaction you had, reminding yourself to be grateful you’d had that first amazing experience. Many people never do.

          Rituals have an element of “going through the motions” without mindfulness, especially when you are raised with them. A different experience is had when you seek them out…or better yet, when they find you.

          Life without contradictions would be so dull, don’t you think?

          • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

            Yes, it would be dull. But sometimes I think dull is what I want. :-) Thank you for this great discussion! I’m totally going to blog about my Buddha’s Relics experiences next week. You got me remembering all kinds of stuff that went with it. xoxo

  • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

    Beautifully written, Catherine.

    The imagery is so vivid, I almost feel like your shadow in both the village and big city, seeing your gait change with the situations.

    One of my most memorable experiences of the timelessness you describe was at an exhibit of The Buddha’s Relics in Geneva. The organisers had collected all four of the relics, from Sri Lanka, Thailand, Burma and…yikes, a fourth country I can’t remember. It was right when I had started meditating for the first time and I felt it was such a powerful sign that the relics of the man who was teaching me how to teach myself inner tranquility came to as random a place as Geneva, Switzerland.

    I joined in the Tibetan meditation sessions, which used a combination of chanting and sound to guide the meditation. It was the longest I ever meditated: 1 hour. When I came back to a “normal” state I found that I could not walk at all. My body was used to walking so fast, thinking so fast. The hour had slowed everything down save for the muscle memory that suddenly became moot. I felt like an idiot, my dancer’s body not cooperating with a basic walking movement, but at the same time I realised that I had experienced something profound. I smiled at all the people who were looking at me wondering if I was going to pass out or something. They smiled back, I felt amazing.

    Although I am a fierce walker here in Prague, from time to time I remember that moment – the power of The Buddha’s Relics, meditating with him, laughing at my slowed down self – and I feel at peace.

    Thank you so much for reminding me of this beautiful event and giving me a chance to share it with you.

    Love,

    Sezin

    • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

      Profound, yes! Thank you for sharing your experience, Sezin. How wonderful to have such a memory to take you back to the feeling you had then. ‘Altered’ states can teach us valuable lessons for surviving those busy streets. I just Googled “Buddha’s relics” and came up with this tour. Don’t know if it’s the same project, but the next US town it visits is where my parents live. Kismet!

      It’s the second time today I’ve been reminded of the importance of ritual in finding timelessness. The other was visiting a link Anastasia posted in which designers reimagined fundamental Turkish objects – prayer beads, hamam sets, tea cups, among others. One designer created special dishware for lokum, the sugary sweet the rest of the world knows as Turkish Delight. I was more captured by the text:

      “Some things are precious, no matter how much they actually cost. Time, they say, is precious. Which usually means fast is good. But also slowness, the apparent ‘waste’ of time in search of reflection, is precious…Keyif is a little bit like that…After all, isn’t slowness, and rituals, exactly what keyif is about?”

      Turkish life is full of rituals, especially around food. Keyif means ‘pleasure’; in this case, the kind that comes from the enjoyment of life’s simple things. From your spiritual, internal experience to this social, external – seems there are many ways to bend time to the speed we desire.

      And I’ve bent it now by nearly writing another post…while fireworks are sparkling here out over the Bosphorus. Keyif, indeed.

      • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

        What a fantastic response, Catherine. I have to admit I got a bit emotional and teary eyed reading it. But in a good way. :-)

        I had a look at the site about The Relics you posted and though it’s not the same people who organised the event I went to, the spirit is the same. You should totally tell your parents to check it out. I think it would at least be interesting for them. A window into a different world. The one I attended was the first ever time that the Relics from various temples ever left their “homes” and it’s not happened again since then.

        I love the idea of Keyif, and the description of the lokum is something that also strikes a chord with me. I remember many beautiful descriptions in Turkey – how the English would be just a little bit off, but adding to the charm regardless. And lokum! Yum! One of my favorites since I was a child, though I can’t eat it anymore at all.

        Thinking of timelessness and my first experience with The Buddha’s Relics led me to remember seeing one of the Relics again years later in Sri Lanka, at Kandy’s Temple of the Tooth. My experience with Buddhism was very different from the Buddhism practised in Sri Lanka, which is sort of hereditary Buddhism and doesn’t include the aspect of meditation considered vital in Tibetan Buddhism, for example. Buddhists from around the world go to Kandy to pay their respects to the Relic, and when we went I was thinking of my mind-altering experience the previous time.

        Well, it was a shock to my system how pushy and rude and horrible all of the people were in The Temple of the Tooth. It was an absolute cattle call, herding people past the Relics with barely a moment to see the Relics or absorb the greatness of whose body was encased in the shrine. In the sweltering heat there was no mindfulness, only pushing, shoving, growling individuals rushing to catch a glimpse before the caretakers unceremoniously slammed the door to the shrine in our faces.

        From a moment of timelessness with the Relics to the absolute opposite. I remember being upset initially, but then I reminded myself at how lucky I was to have had such a beautiful first experience, which turned into sympathy for how so many others are forced to pay such rudimentary respects in the Relics’ home.

        These contradictions in life are so strange and beautiful.

        • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

          Sezin, that was the perfect reaction you had, reminding yourself to be grateful you’d had that first amazing experience. Many people never do.

          Rituals have an element of “going through the motions” without mindfulness, especially when you are raised with them. A different experience is had when you seek them out…or better yet, when they find you.

          Life without contradictions would be so dull, don’t you think?

          • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

            Yes, it would be dull. But sometimes I think dull is what I want. :-) Thank you for this great discussion! I’m totally going to blog about my Buddha’s Relics experiences next week. You got me remembering all kinds of stuff that went with it. xoxo

  • http://www.dutchessabroad.com Judith van Praag

    Dear Catherine,
    Once again I feel we have a lot in common Dialogue2010 sister!
    In India I picked up a slower pace for sure. Not only did it pay of to be patient (the reward of patience being patience), learning to literally move more slowly helped dealing with the heat. After returning to Amsterdam I hoped to prolong the newly adapted gait, but I quickly realized life in my (now former) hometown demanded a fast moving pace. In a Western city moving fast shows that you know where you’re going. In certain areas in town having a clear goal to reach can help you stay out of trouble. The aimless strollers are an easier target for hustlers and hassling characters. How sorry I was to let go of that softer, slower me!

    Do you find you walk differently in the U.S. than in your adopted homeland?

    • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

      Thanks Judith!

      True, strollers are targets. I’ve taken to walking the back streets here to keep my slower pace yet avoid the shop and restaurant touts who mistake it for interest in their businesses. Though I guess I’m not all that slow – the other day I had a guy call out in English “Hey, I’m in a hurry too – can I come with you?” I’m getting very good at over-the-shoulder flippant comebacks in Turkish…

      Yes, I do walk differently, but it’s big city versus small town, not Turkey versus CA. When I first moved to Selcuk, Abit complained he could never keep up; year later he wondered how I’d gotten so slow. Here in Istanbul, we’ve both amped up our movements on the street. Otherwise in this crowded neighborhood,you could get hit by a tram!

      Working in multiple countries also really played up the ambiguity of time to me. Slow countries like India are wonderful teachers of patience, you’re right – and also that we have no control! Something we need to learn in the West, or any place in which we think we truly can bend time to our will.

  • Anonymous

    Dear Catherine,
    Once again I feel we have a lot in common Dialogue2010 sister!
    In India I picked up a slower pace for sure. Not only did it pay of to be patient (the reward of patience being patience), learning to literally move more slowly helped dealing with the heat. After returning to Amsterdam I hoped to prolong the newly adapted gait, but I quickly realized life in my (now former) hometown demanded a fast moving pace. In a Western city moving fast shows that you know where you’re going. In certain areas in town having a clear goal to reach can help you stay out of trouble. The aimless strollers are an easier target for hustlers and hassling characters. How sorry I was to let go of that softer, slower me!

    Do you find you walk differently in the U.S. than in your adopted homeland?

    • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

      Thanks Judith!

      True, strollers are targets. I’ve taken to walking the back streets here to keep my slower pace yet avoid the shop and restaurant touts who mistake it for interest in their businesses. Though I guess I’m not all that slow – the other day I had a guy call out in English “Hey, I’m in a hurry too – can I come with you?” I’m getting very good at over-the-shoulder flippant comebacks in Turkish…

      Yes, I do walk differently, but it’s big city versus small town, not Turkey versus CA. When I first moved to Selcuk, Abit complained he could never keep up; year later he wondered how I’d gotten so slow. Here in Istanbul, we’ve both amped up our movements on the street. Otherwise in this crowded neighborhood,you could get hit by a tram!

      Working in multiple countries also really played up the ambiguity of time to me. Slow countries like India are wonderful teachers of patience, you’re right – and also that we have no control! Something we need to learn in the West, or any place in which we think we truly can bend time to our will.

  • http://www.expatharem.com/identity-messages/ Anastasia

    Thanks for this, Catherine.

    I just saw this (very fast-paced!) Secret Powers of Time video by a Sicilian-American* about the cultural differences of time perspectives and how not only can it be measured down to a particular city, these differences can even divide nations. Italy, for one, where the Southerners like to ‘enjoy life’ and the Northerners like to ‘get things done’, has a political party that would like to split the country in two. He mentions a book called The Geography of Time, which sounds intriguing.

    Also try to get the video on this page.

    I’m looking forward to your time-bending experiment in Istanbul…

    *Philip Zimbardo, a Stanford professor of psychology

    • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

      My pleasure, Anastasia!

      Yes, time is completely relative, depending on where in the world you are. I stopped wearing a watch when I moved to Turkey – not really intentionally, but I found I paced my life to the call to prayer, even though I’m not an observant Muslim. I’d always felt better in the slower paced Latin countries, and Turkey has a mix of fast and slow that I really relate to.

      That book looks fascinating – once again, you’ve found such great links! (But I can’t access the banned YouTube here in Sirkeci – what’s your secret?) ;-D

  • http://www.speakingofchina.com Jocelyn

    Hi Catherine,

    I love this post too — and I’m w/ Giuletta on the multitasking. I never get anything done when I try to do more than one thing at the same time. The world demands more and more of us, but sometimes we all need to step back, question that pull, and often go the other way, slowing down to create something far better than the harried existence our networked world expects of us.

    I’m grateful you can still create a corner of timelessness in the bustling big city.
    .-= Jocelyn’s latest blog ..Travel China with the Yangxifu: Shang Dynasty Wall Ruins, Zhengzhou, China =-.

    • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

      Thanks Jocelyn!

      My recent winters working in CA as an interior designer have really brought home the message that it’s just not sane to keep up that frantic pace and try to keep up with everyone’s expectations. Yes, it’s great to step back to see what’s been accomplished, but it’s not my passion and I’m burned out when I get home.

      So, slowing down and taking my time here in another fast-paced city is a rebellion of sorts. My personal work with textiles is not fast-paced, but it’s my meditation, it’s me. Oddly, being a peaceful ‘eye in the storm’ of the bustle around me energizes and inspires me. The challenge will be to bring others into the creative process, but all in good time, as they say…

  • http://www.speakingofchina.com Jocelyn

    Hi Catherine,

    I love this post too — and I’m w/ Giuletta on the multitasking. I never get anything done when I try to do more than one thing at the same time. The world demands more and more of us, but sometimes we all need to step back, question that pull, and often go the other way, slowing down to create something far better than the harried existence our networked world expects of us.

    I’m grateful you can still create a corner of timelessness in the bustling big city.
    .-= Jocelyn’s latest blog ..Travel China with the Yangxifu: Shang Dynasty Wall Ruins, Zhengzhou, China =-.

    • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

      Thanks Jocelyn!

      My recent winters working in CA as an interior designer have really brought home the message that it’s just not sane to keep up that frantic pace and try to keep up with everyone’s expectations. Yes, it’s great to step back to see what’s been accomplished, but it’s not my passion and I’m burned out when I get home.

      So, slowing down and taking my time here in another fast-paced city is a rebellion of sorts. My personal work with textiles is not fast-paced, but it’s my meditation, it’s me. Oddly, being a peaceful ‘eye in the storm’ of the bustle around me energizes and inspires me. The challenge will be to bring others into the creative process, but all in good time, as they say…

  • http://www.expatharem.com/identity-messages/ Anastasia

    Thanks for this, Catherine.

    I just saw this (very fast-paced!) Secret Powers of Time video by a Sicilian-American* about the cultural differences of time perspectives and how not only can it be measured down to a particular city, these differences can even divide nations. Italy, for one, where the Southerners like to ‘enjoy life’ and the Northerners like to ‘get things done’, has a political party that would like to split the country in two. He mentions a book called The Geography of Time, which sounds intriguing.

    Also try to get the video on this page.

    I’m looking forward to your time-bending experiment in Istanbul…

    *Philip Zimbardo, a Stanford professor of psychology

    • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

      My pleasure, Anastasia!

      Yes, time is completely relative, depending on where in the world you are. I stopped wearing a watch when I moved to Turkey – not really intentionally, but I found I paced my life to the call to prayer, even though I’m not an observant Muslim. I’d always felt better in the slower paced Latin countries, and Turkey has a mix of fast and slow that I really relate to.

      That book looks fascinating – once again, you’ve found such great links! (But I can’t access the banned YouTube here in Sirkeci – what’s your secret?) ;-D

  • http://www.giuliettathemuse.com/blog Giulietta Nardone

    Hi Catherine,

    What a “timely” topic! I’m so with you on hitting the “pause button.” Love that you appreciate being. Here’s to giving multi-tasking the boot. It’s not even possible to multi-task, we end up “doing half-assed-tasking.” We’re all galloping to the ends of our lives without stopping to enjoy the journey. Anyone who feels like they are going to self-combust from going so fast just needs to stop and say, “Wait a minute, I’m in charge of my own life.”

    Great post!

    Giulietta
    .-= Giulietta Nardone’s latest blog ..Do you hide out from living your one and only life? =-.

    • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

      Thanks Giulietta!

      I’m finding in the near month I’ve been back in Turkey that Vodafone is ‘hitting the pause button’ for me with its unreliable wireless service…but that’s actually been good, making me focus on the many other ‘tangible’ things I want to do.

      That’s so true, the ‘half-assed’ tasking – I equate it to keeping those plates spinning, those balls in the air. At some point they have to come crashing down. That crazy pace just makes me frustrated and angry, which is hardly conductive to creativity. So, better to do one thing at a time, with my full attention. I’m not there yet, but I’m trying!

  • http://www.giuliettathemuse.com/blog Giulietta Nardone

    Hi Catherine,

    What a “timely” topic! I’m so with you on hitting the “pause button.” Love that you appreciate being. Here’s to giving multi-tasking the boot. It’s not even possible to multi-task, we end up “doing half-assed-tasking.” We’re all galloping to the ends of our lives without stopping to enjoy the journey. Anyone who feels like they are going to self-combust from going so fast just needs to stop and say, “Wait a minute, I’m in charge of my own life.”

    Great post!

    Giulietta
    .-= Giulietta Nardone’s latest blog ..Do you hide out from living your one and only life? =-.

    • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

      Thanks Giulietta!

      I’m finding in the near month I’ve been back in Turkey that Vodafone is ‘hitting the pause button’ for me with its unreliable wireless service…but that’s actually been good, making me focus on the many other ‘tangible’ things I want to do.

      That’s so true, the ‘half-assed’ tasking – I equate it to keeping those plates spinning, those balls in the air. At some point they have to come crashing down. That crazy pace just makes me frustrated and angry, which is hardly conductive to creativity. So, better to do one thing at a time, with my full attention. I’m not there yet, but I’m trying!

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