The in-country expat: handling radically different regions

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in community,home,identity,multicultural,origin,psychic limbo

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By M.D. BENOIT

Without leaving your country, you can become an expat. When I left my hometown in Québec province I found myself wading through Canado-British culture.

Québec is special: it is considered a “distinct society,” with its own legal system, its own France-based culture, its own language—French. Most people are Catholic and will barely hear two words of English in their lives. It is an isolationist culture. The rest of Canada is predominantly English speaking, with British roots and culture.

I left Mont-Laurier when I was seventeen, and any kind of French environment when I was twenty-one and joined the military. I had to learn English. The culture was so radically different from my own more Latin one I felt I had immigrated to another country.

I offended (“why must you laugh so loud?”). Outraged (I greeted acquaintances of both sexes with cheek kisses). Baffled (arguing passionately about any topic).

I came to realize it wasn’t about me personally but where I’d been raised, so I toned down what made me Québécoise.

I’ve accomplished this with mixed results. I often don’t understand the rules and it’s a struggle to keep my identity while subjugating it to my environment.

I have learned how to keep what is precious from my own culture — my language and traditional cooking for instance — and how to embrace what I like from the new.

Living in multicultural Ottawa, the capital city with 18% immigrants gives me a sense of belonging to a larger community and perspective on how new Canadians feel.

How do you handle living in a radically different part of your own country?
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M. D. Benoit is a mystery-science fiction writer. Her fifth novel, Catalyst, will be published in summer 2010.
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Tagged as: Britain, British, Canada, Canadian identity, capital city, Catalyst, Catholic, cheek kisses, Distinct Society, France, Francophile, Francophone, French, immigrant, Latin, M.D. Benoit, minority nationalism, Mont-Laurier, national identity, Ottawa, provincial, Québec, Québécoise, regionalism, social strictures

  • http://bazaarbayar.blogspot.com/ Catherine Bayar

    Great post, M.D.! While you experienced a radical cultural difference within your own country, it’s so interesting to me that I know exactly what Anastasia and Sezin mean by that LA/Berkeley divide. That’s got to sound odd to anyone who’s never lived in California, but even within the same US state (admittedly, CA has a larger population than most countries) vast cultural differences apply.

    I also find myself uncomfortable in ‘homogenous’ places – those with one dominant culture. Therefore, I gravitate to multicultural, ‘mosaic’ cities. This applies not just to US cities – after a week of living here in Istanbul, I’m feeling quite at home, which was not the case in small Selcuk! But maybe a large part of that is being comfortable within Turkish culture, though this country varies dramatically from province to province.

    Whether it’s being part of a larger, more diverse community or the fact that no one cares how I live in such a big place, I’m not quite sure. But I do like the options a large city gives to assimilate or stand out as my heart desires…a smaller place just does not offer that same freedom.

    • http://mdbenoit.com M. D. Benoit

      Very interesting comment, Catherine, and it made me think. I’d never really analyzed why I feel so much more comfortable in big cities. I’ve always felt uncomfortable is smaller towns and maybe it’s this homogeneity you talk about and the sense that there’s a loss of freedom.

      I’ve travelled “from sea to sea” in Canada and visited several European countries (not Turkey, unfortunately) and it’s the same everywhere. I thrive with asphalt under my feet, with the noise of many voices, many languages, many different faces.

      Of course, lots of people are attracted to this homogeneity, to this sense of close community, of almost family that small towns provide. There’s a sense of security, a sense that you’re not alone. I lived that, since I grew up in a small town, but I don’t miss it. I’ve always been curious about the world, speak four languages, love to travel and explore. I need a city that provides some of that the grand mosaic of people.

      • http://bazaarbayar.blogspot.com/ Catherine Bayar

        M.D., you’ve described me as well. You’ve sparked an idea for another expat+HAREM post from me, about people like us and those who prefer the security of the familiar…more soon!

  • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

    Great post, M.D.! While you experienced a radical cultural difference within your own country, it’s so interesting to me that I know exactly what Anastasia and Sezin mean by that LA/Berkeley divide. That’s got to sound odd to anyone who’s never lived in California, but even within the same US state (admittedly, CA has a larger population than most countries) vast cultural differences apply.

    I also find myself uncomfortable in ‘homogenous’ places – those with one dominant culture. Therefore, I gravitate to multicultural, ‘mosaic’ cities. This applies not just to US cities – after a week of living here in Istanbul, I’m feeling quite at home, which was not the case in small Selcuk! But maybe a large part of that is being comfortable within Turkish culture, though this country varies dramatically from province to province.

    Whether it’s being part of a larger, more diverse community or the fact that no one cares how I live in such a big place, I’m not quite sure. But I do like the options a large city gives to assimilate or stand out as my heart desires…a smaller place just does not offer that same freedom.

    • http://mdbenoit.com M. D. Benoit

      Very interesting comment, Catherine, and it made me think. I’d never really analyzed why I feel so much more comfortable in big cities. I’ve always felt uncomfortable is smaller towns and maybe it’s this homogeneity you talk about and the sense that there’s a loss of freedom.

      I’ve travelled “from sea to sea” in Canada and visited several European countries (not Turkey, unfortunately) and it’s the same everywhere. I thrive with asphalt under my feet, with the noise of many voices, many languages, many different faces.

      Of course, lots of people are attracted to this homogeneity, to this sense of close community, of almost family that small towns provide. There’s a sense of security, a sense that you’re not alone. I lived that, since I grew up in a small town, but I don’t miss it. I’ve always been curious about the world, speak four languages, love to travel and explore. I need a city that provides some of that the grand mosaic of people.

      • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

        M.D., you’ve described me as well. You’ve sparked an idea for another expat+HAREM post from me, about people like us and those who prefer the security of the familiar…more soon!

  • Jennifer Spiller

    I can relate to this. I’ve only spent a few weeks out of the U.S. in my lifetime, but I have experienced this expat in the states thing. I was born and raised in New York, on Long Island, and my family moved to Birmingham, AL a week before I started college in Virginia. Major culture shock. Even within Virginia, there are vast differences. The hardest thing for me is coming from a multi-cultural mindset to a more insular one. I still find myself shocked by people’s assumptions about me. I have come to love Virginia, and consider it my home, but I notice when I visit NY there is a relaxation in somehow knowing in my bones how I’m expected to behave.

    • http://mdbenoit.com M. D. Benoit

      I feel a similar relaxation of spirit not when I go back home but when I meet other in-country expats like me. Although it’s difficult to relate to people in my hometown, there is an immediate connection when I meet other Quebecois who are now living outside Quebec. It’s as if we recognize each other: we have a similar cultural base but have chosen not to live in that culture. We can speak French and understand each other between the lines (ah, the subtlety of language)and yet our experiences outside our province has changed us.

  • Jennifer Spiller

    I can relate to this. I’ve only spent a few weeks out of the U.S. in my lifetime, but I have experienced this expat in the states thing. I was born and raised in New York, on Long Island, and my family moved to Birmingham, AL a week before I started college in Virginia. Major culture shock. Even within Virginia, there are vast differences. The hardest thing for me is coming from a multi-cultural mindset to a more insular one. I still find myself shocked by people’s assumptions about me. I have come to love Virginia, and consider it my home, but I notice when I visit NY there is a relaxation in somehow knowing in my bones how I’m expected to behave.

    • http://mdbenoit.com M. D. Benoit

      I feel a similar relaxation of spirit not when I go back home but when I meet other in-country expats like me. Although it’s difficult to relate to people in my hometown, there is an immediate connection when I meet other Quebecois who are now living outside Quebec. It’s as if we recognize each other: we have a similar cultural base but have chosen not to live in that culture. We can speak French and understand each other between the lines (ah, the subtlety of language)and yet our experiences outside our province has changed us.

  • http://www.dividingmytime.typepad.com Jennifer Eremeeva

    Has anyone experienced culture clashes coming home to your native country after a prolonged absence abroad? I’m grappling with that right now: I’m trying to mold my instincts and subconscious reactions back to the scenario in which I grew up, having, without realized it, brought home a number of personalities and prejudices from my adopted country of Russia. It is an odd adjustment period!
    .-= Jennifer Eremeeva’s latest blog ..Day of the Black Sea Fleet /День Черноморского флота: The Boys Who Brought You The Battleship Potemkin! =-.

    • http://mdbenoit.com M. D. Benoit

      Going back to my hometown is like that. It’s “insulated” in the sense that most people there speak only one language, French, and have the same religion, Catholic. I’ve been gone so long, even if I visited regularly, that I don’t fit in that culture anymore. I’m not sure if I’ve adopted the prejudices of English Canada but I’ve become more accepting of people’s differences in beliefs, in their cultural mores, their clinging to their own language.

    • http://bazaarbayar.blogspot.com/ Catherine Bayar

      Jennifer, you know that old saying, “You can’t go home again?” I now have more culture shock returning to my native US than I do coming back to Turkey. Once you’ve developed those “number of personalities” and know that are so many ways to live, you’ve grown too much to fit back in that ‘box’.

  • http://www.dividingmytime.typepad.com Jennifer Eremeeva

    Has anyone experienced culture clashes coming home to your native country after a prolonged absence abroad? I’m grappling with that right now: I’m trying to mold my instincts and subconscious reactions back to the scenario in which I grew up, having, without realized it, brought home a number of personalities and prejudices from my adopted country of Russia. It is an odd adjustment period!
    .-= Jennifer Eremeeva’s latest blog ..Day of the Black Sea Fleet /День Черноморского флота: The Boys Who Brought You The Battleship Potemkin! =-.

    • http://mdbenoit.com M. D. Benoit

      Going back to my hometown is like that. It’s “insulated” in the sense that most people there speak only one language, French, and have the same religion, Catholic. I’ve been gone so long, even if I visited regularly, that I don’t fit in that culture anymore. I’m not sure if I’ve adopted the prejudices of English Canada but I’ve become more accepting of people’s differences in beliefs, in their cultural mores, their clinging to their own language.

    • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

      Jennifer, you know that old saying, “You can’t go home again?” I now have more culture shock returning to my native US than I do coming back to Turkey. Once you’ve developed those “number of personalities” and know that are so many ways to live, you’ve grown too much to fit back in that ‘box’.

  • http://global-gal.com Heather GG

    When I first moved abroad (to Kuwait) as a 16 year old teenager, I didn’t find it a difficult adjustment. I figured it was because I had already moved every three years since I was three years old, within the US. I felt no sense of belonging to any of the four US states I’d lived in – New Mexico, Colorado, Alaska and Texas, or the many towns I’d lived in within those states. Not to mention the fact my parents raised us in a religion that was always considered a little strange.

    When I first read about Third Culture Kids, I considered my years moving around the US, before our international moves, as “third culture years.” Sure, I wasn’t living in a different country, but I was far from my parents’ own sheltered culture in Utah and I never really identified with any specific state or local culture. It’s not the normal “expat” experience, but I understand just what you mean in this post.

    • http://mdbenoit.com M. D. Benoit

      I’ve travelled to several states in the US and I’d say that each has its own culture and way of thinking. Alaska and Texas have not only an entire foreign country between them, but also different weather to contend with. I would imagine that your experience during your formative years would have made you feel like a stranger in your own country.

    • Anastasia

      Very interesting Heather…a homegrown Third Culture Kid.

  • http://global-gal.com Heather GG

    When I first moved abroad (to Kuwait) as a 16 year old teenager, I didn’t find it a difficult adjustment. I figured it was because I had already moved every three years since I was three years old, within the US. I felt no sense of belonging to any of the four US states I’d lived in – New Mexico, Colorado, Alaska and Texas, or the many towns I’d lived in within those states. Not to mention the fact my parents raised us in a religion that was always considered a little strange.

    When I first read about Third Culture Kids, I considered my years moving around the US, before our international moves, as “third culture years.” Sure, I wasn’t living in a different country, but I was far from my parents’ own sheltered culture in Utah and I never really identified with any specific state or local culture. It’s not the normal “expat” experience, but I understand just what you mean in this post.

    • http://mdbenoit.com M. D. Benoit

      I’ve travelled to several states in the US and I’d say that each has its own culture and way of thinking. Alaska and Texas have not only an entire foreign country between them, but also different weather to contend with. I would imagine that your experience during your formative years would have made you feel like a stranger in your own country.

    • http://www.expatharem.com/identity-messages/ Anastasia

      Very interesting Heather…a homegrown Third Culture Kid.

  • http://www.isaokato.com/ Isao

    I was raised in a conservative part of my country (Japan) but I might had a different experience there – I never succeeded in fitting myself into my hometown culture and thought I had something wrong. Obviously my four-year stint in a foreign country at age 5-8 did something profoundly. When I moved into Tokyo, I slowly started to realize that I was merely different, not wrong – because with more than 20 million people living in the greater Tokyo almost anybody with human DNAs can find a place to fit in..

    • http://mdbenoit.com M. D. Benoit

      This may be why I know I can never go back to my hometown to live. Most of my family is still there, but they are all one type of people. Here in Ottawa, I live in the incredible mosaic of many cultures and strangely I feel more at home.

  • http://www.isaokato.com/ Isao

    I was raised in a conservative part of my country (Japan) but I might had a different experience there – I never succeeded in fitting myself into my hometown culture and thought I had something wrong. Obviously my four-year stint in a foreign country at age 5-8 did something profoundly. When I moved into Tokyo, I slowly started to realize that I was merely different, not wrong – because with more than 20 million people living in the greater Tokyo almost anybody with human DNAs can find a place to fit in..

    • http://mdbenoit.com M. D. Benoit

      This may be why I know I can never go back to my hometown to live. Most of my family is still there, but they are all one type of people. Here in Ottawa, I live in the incredible mosaic of many cultures and strangely I feel more at home.

  • Anastasia

    Thanks for this, Dom! When you and I discussed expat literature during a Twitter chat (wow, was it a year ago!) I recall mentioning someone telling me he was a San Francisco expat in Los Angeles. It sounds funny, of course, and hyperbolic. But as a Northern Californian I know what differences in culture he referred to. East, West, North, South, regional character only deepens when the distances are greater — and in your case, when the linguistic, religious, legal, cultural distinctions are so stark.

    How to handle it? Besides assimilating, toning down, appropriating new behaviors there’s always the option of playing up the difference. I was nicknamed “Space Case Stas” when I arrived at an East Coast college, even though I am not that spacy…and in fact was considered ‘high-strung’ in laid-back California! That alone was a pleasure, to don a go-with-the-flow persona for the first time.

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Absolutely, Anastasia! I felt exactly like that when I moved from LA to Berkeley, although I definitely felt that Berkeley was a better fit for me. Plus, I could spot the LA expats from a mile away. :-)

      Going back to the post itself, even though I’ve never quite experienced being an in-country expat I sort of feel like a universal expat, even when I’m in my so-called home countries of the USA or Sri Lanka. There is this feeling of never quite belonging that we have in common, M.D.

      One summer I visited Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota visiting my (adopted) Lakota relatives and that didn’t just feel like another world, it really was: Third World conditions right smack in the middle of the wealthiest nation in the world. It remains a dream to go back and work there, and if I ever do I will certainly be the phenomenon you describe of an in-country expat.

      Thanks for this great post!

  • http://www.expatharem.com/identity-messages/ Anastasia

    Thanks for this, Dom! When you and I discussed expat literature during a Twitter chat (wow, was it a year ago!) I recall mentioning someone telling me he was a San Francisco expat in Los Angeles. It sounds funny, of course, and hyperbolic. But as a Northern Californian I know what differences in culture he referred to. East, West, North, South, regional character only deepens when the distances are greater — and in your case, when the linguistic, religious, legal, cultural distinctions are so stark.

    How to handle it? Besides assimilating, toning down, appropriating new behaviors there’s always the option of playing up the difference. I was nicknamed “Space Case Stas” when I arrived at an East Coast college, even though I am not that spacy…and in fact was considered ‘high-strung’ in laid-back California! That alone was a pleasure, to don a go-with-the-flow persona for the first time.

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Absolutely, Anastasia! I felt exactly like that when I moved from LA to Berkeley, although I definitely felt that Berkeley was a better fit for me. Plus, I could spot the LA expats from a mile away. :-)

      Going back to the post itself, even though I’ve never quite experienced being an in-country expat I sort of feel like a universal expat, even when I’m in my so-called home countries of the USA or Sri Lanka. There is this feeling of never quite belonging that we have in common, M.D.

      One summer I visited Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota visiting my (adopted) Lakota relatives and that didn’t just feel like another world, it really was: Third World conditions right smack in the middle of the wealthiest nation in the world. It remains a dream to go back and work there, and if I ever do I will certainly be the phenomenon you describe of an in-country expat.

      Thanks for this great post!

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