Winter of our re-content

By CATHERINE SALTER BAYAR

Winter is my time of self-invention.

My seasonal business in Turkey grows dormant when our town of Selçuk becomes a quiet and cold shadow of its summer self. This year we’ve even moved our vintage textile shop to entirely virtual locations. I head ten time zones west for a few months to see family and friends, immerse myself in the pleasures of where I come from, and ponder where I’m heading.

winter by CS Bayar

This winter, I’ve been eager to challenge myself, on a treasure hunt for new incarnations of me.

I’ll always be a designer, but how do I rework the content of my life and retool my talents? While I’m addicted to the temporary high of the latest find, I’m also aware my mission in life must be more enduring than a career that creates and exploits.

After my winter in corporation-dominated U.S., I want to balance the market-driven desire to buy the cool but rarely needed item with a passion to heed my authentic voice. Do I make home products with an eye for incredible color and pattern, while mindful of mass-production perils to the globe? How can I create clothing for a breed of upmarket global nomads like the Gypsy jet-set without acknowledging that paradox?

I’m embarking on this journey of reinvention in the capable hands of a life coach, someone to act as my spirit guide in this period of life redesign. I may be creative, but when it comes to my most important product – myself – why leave the design to the whims of trend?

How have you reinvented yourself to find your perfect design?
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California native Catherine Salter Bayar creates knitwear, seeks textile treasure, lives near the splendid ruins of the ancient city of Ephesus, and writes about it all in her upcoming book, Weaving Our Way Home.
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Sezin

Oh Catherine! This post is yet another reminder of how deeply we connected during Dialogue 2010. A few weeks ago, before my wrist injury worsened, I wrote a post ("What's In A Name") about how I've re-invented myself and still do via my name. I saw this blog today and decided in spite of pained hands I *had* to post mine too. Ah, the sweet smell of synchronicity! Reading this post gave me chills because reinvention has been on my mind so much and I've been feeling due for a change. I usually change my self-design by getting a new tattoo, but this time I'm settling for bangs. I've had enough of physical pain for this year. :-)

This is my new favorite blog post. Thank you for your words and bringing such beauty to the Internet's tapestry. I'm so happy to know you.
.-= Sezin's latest blog ..Born Hybrid =-.
Catherine Bayar

Thank you Sezin, for your kind words - it's been a long, difficult day, but you've now changed my mood completely. I'm grateful to be in such good reinvention company. Sometimes it can be a lonely process, so knowing others are doing it and are willing to write about it helps me. I'm excited about the new directions I'm forging for myself, and now that spring is here, ready to set out and GO!

Whatever names we call ourselves, however they may change over the course of a lifetime, the important thing is that they ring true for us. So whether I'm Catherine here in CA, or Ketri to my husband's family in Turkey, I'm becoming more ME all the time...

May your wrists heal quickly, and post a photo of those bangs!
Catherine Bayar

Upscale global nomads using a pejorative term for actual disadvantaged nomads as their trendy moniker? Living in Turkey has made me aware of the ironies of a fashionable phrase such as Gypsy Jet Set.
dutchessabroad

Good point Catherine. Makes me think of the founders and followers of the "Voluntary Simplicity" movement, many of whom could only opt for living with less because their basics were covered very, very well.
Catherine Bayar

It's that choice we have to change our identities, because we come from places with so many options. My Roma neighbors in Selcuk never had such; in fact they think something's wrong with me, that an American would chose to live in Turkey.

The Gypset Style book I link above is an interesting read, with its quick history of the Roma, writers from Lord Byron to Jack Kerouac,designers and socialites like YSL and the Gettys...but ultimately, it's a coffee table book with lovely photos. While I live like those she sites as present-day Gyp-Setters, I feel like I've leafed though a fashion magazine: temporarily sated, but still looking for the next trend. In other words, our lives go much deeper than what we wear and what sort of jewelry we'll make next. How do we capture that?
.-= Catherine Bayar's latest blog ..Lapis and Carnelian Choker =-.
Catherine Bayar

Fair trade, Green labels, "Upcycling" the old...here's an article that addresses the concerns I have about creating more stuff without being conscious of the consequences.

.-= Catherine Bayar's latest blog ..Central Asian Embroidered Pillow Cover =-.
dutchessabroad

Catherine! What a wonderful post, the links lead to such unexpected sites, showing your designer's adventurous link-laying mind. To read on your bazar's website how the annoyingly overbearing form of attention in bazars in Turkey has roots in the natural and true hospitality of the People is enlightening. The photos remind me of a shop I frequented as a teenager in Groningen (the Netherlands), the owners who shopped for their merchandise in Afghanistan and India, offered tea and dialogue, opening my mind to foreign cultures and a sense of community unfamiliar to me.

Reinvention may be my middle name. As Anastasia mentioned, we are good at so many things. At some point the aim must be to do what you love and possibly make a difference doing it, whether that's on a micro or macro scale.
Catherine Bayar

Judith, thanks for your comments. I do miss our shop and plan to reinvent that special colorful, communal atmosphere again in the not so distant future.

True, being good at many things is wonderful - unless you're trying to do them ALL! Focus is what I'm relearning this winter, with the hope that my redirected energy blossoms into something beneficial for not just us, but on a large scale.
.-= Catherine Bayar's latest blog ..Silky Jade Vintage Suzani =-.
dutchessabroad

Learning to say "No" to opportunity that takes you off your carefully chosen path, is a powerful tool, probably the most difficult one to learn how to handle.
Anastasia

Yes, knowing what path you are on means not taking the wrong turn.

Judith you remind me of this note from Moroccan author and scholar Fatema Mernissi on her website contact page. She tells people who might want her time and attention for reasons not related to her current focus that she practices tadbir, the "long-term self-governance planning" devised by a 12th century Andalusian scholar who died in Fez. "Never embark on last minute opportunistic adventures."
dutchessabroad

Anastasia, I wholeheartedly agree with Catherine, you bring forth the most amazing links. Thank you for introducing me to Fatema Mernisse. That she practices tadbir is clear from her body of work. And I can see how and why you discovered her, all that writing on the harem, it's so compelling to go straight to the bookstore (virtually or IRL) I can't wait to read her stories of growing up in the harem.
Perusing the photo gallery on her site is a de-light, the words she adds make you want to read her books. The photo in "Harem Within" illustrating the tale of the woman with the feather dress made me think of the print I entered for the Mother/mother* show at A.I.R.Gallery last December, even although the sentiments expressed are opposites.
Thank you, thank you!
PS how do you embed HTML for URLs in these comments?
Catherine Bayar

From Mernisse's Dreams of Trespass: "When you happen to be trapped powerless behind walls, stuck in a dead-end harem, you dream of escape. And magic flourishes when you spell out that dream and make the frontiers vanish. Dreams can change your life, and eventually the world. Liberation starts with images dancing in your little head, and you can translate those images into words. And words cost nothing."
Anastasia

A friend gave me DREAMS OF TRESPASS many many years ago...I think before I came to Turkey.

@Judith, to embed links in comments add the HTML as suggested at top of comment box. (Every time I type the code to show you here it becomes a link so not sure how to explicate!)

@Catherine, you're right, about the whims that sometimes bring us to important places in our lives. However, perhaps the lesson is that a little bit of serendipity goes a long way?
Catherine Bayar

I've been thinking about the art of saying "No" since I read your comment earlier, Judith. I've always been so tempted to follow where a more interesting path may lead that I now realize I've bypassed long-term focus for a short-term 'fix'...the perils of being raised in a trend driven career.

Anastasia, you astound me with the wealth of links you provide. I could use a little tadbir in my life. Though would I ever have moved to Turkey if I followed that practice?
.-= Catherine Bayar's latest blog ..Central Asian Embroidered Pillow Cover =-.
dutchessabroad

Catherine, You're right, it's exactly that trend driven career/ business that took you to Turkey. At the moment you may call having had that drive a lack of tadbir or avempace, I call it finding your way in search for your true path.
The same trend oriented society that formed you, also focuses on goals, forgetting at times that what happens along the path is of importance too, if not more important.
What you learned and experienced makes you the person you are now, your eye for beauty and tradesmanship** developed over time and in the business you were in.

**Imagine this: looking up whether trades is spelled with s or not Google takes me to magazine TURKOFAMERICA
Rachel Biel

I will be interested to follow how the life coach helps you, Catherine. Sometimes it's hard to see that all we do does lead somewhere concrete. As doors open and close, we are constantly in the process of self re-invention. We live in an incredible time where we can carve out our own niches, but it is a double-edged sword and can be a murky way sometimes... You have a lot of knowledge and experience. The key now is to find how that can translate into financial stability, a challenge many of us are facing in these hard economic times...
Catherine Bayar

Rachel, I'm finding that taking the time with my life coach to delve into my murky inner self is hugely beneficial, not just self indulgent "navel-gazing". Until you ask yourself some very basic questions and then WRITE IT DOWN, forcing yourself to focus in on what you really want to accomplish, you're in danger of leaving too much of life to chance.

Like designing a garment, or a house, having lots of creative ideas means little until you know how to actually sewn that shirt, build those walls. Giving myself the gift of time to ponder this winter - instead of my usual head-long rush to do a million things simultaneously - will lead to a strong foundation to truly turn my creativity into something enduring.

My next steps will be to take the focused vision into an action plan...as for the financial challenges we face, we've survived this far on our unconventional paths. I know we have the will to keep going until we're thriving...
Kim

Catherine,

I was hoping for a long story; it ended too quickly! As always though, beautifully written. Please write more.

Not surprisingly, I am doing the same thing this winter. My next step in the process is learning to cry. (It's not going very well, yet.) But I believe when all is said and done (as if it is ever done!) the world will have 2 brilliant, stubborn women in a much happier place.

Keep posting.
Catherine Bayar

I will keep posting, Kim - thank you! While I don't think either of us already stubborn (and okay, I'll admit, on our roads to brilliant) will EVER be done with all we want to do, I know we'll both leave the world a better place on some scale.

As for crying, it's not as good as laughing for stress relief. But our entire range of emotions is a gift, if we learn how to use them wisely.
.-= Catherine Bayar's latest blog ..Silky Jade Vintage Suzani =-.
rosedeniz

Reinvention comes for me in waves, passages. Right before I make some big change, it feels like everything is stuck and moving slowly. The old model, the old me, temporarily seems sorely outdated once I reach this new milestone. Why wasn't I able to know that very-important-thing earlier? The more I align with the work and people that seems most me, the more that feeling of reinvention emerges. Specifically, this happened with making a commitment one year ago to stop talking about writing and actually do it. It felt muddy and unclear until I realized I was the only one holding me back.
.-= rosedeniz's latest blog ..Verbal footprints =-.
Catherine Bayar

Oh, Rose, how I recognize these words of yours! Abit and I, both excellent talkers and dreamers, sometimes get nostalgic and reluctant to make the big changes, even when it becomes crystal clear it's high time to take action. But once we do actually do it, we wonder why on earth we didn't make the change sooner? Fortunately for us, we are more drawn to reinvention than stagnation.
kari m.

Beautiful post Katherine. Thank you. Me too am looking forward to your revelations to come. :-) Stay true to yourself and to all that more that is to come to light as you so well depict it here. As you know, in western societies today it is common for people not knowing us to identify us with the work we`re trained to do, as Anastasia writes. And sadly, many never dare to go beyond THIS limited fracture of who we are... and this is when they tend to stop growing as persons, stop exploring and seeking new answers as life calls for changes. Change demands courage and I salute you for being so brave and for sharing it here. Best of luck and all the best!
Catherine Bayar

Yes, Kari, I was struck when I first moved to Turkey that no one asked each other what they did for work until well into a conversation. Where you grew up was much more the identifier than occupation.

It's important to realize we are so many more versions of ourselves than what we do to make money. True self worth has little to do with how much someone has in the bank. And to stop exploring all the options, to ignore those chances to meet new challenges, makes no sense to me. Nonetheless, it's tough. So I greatly appreciate your encouragement!
Rachel Biel

My brother once pointed out that people in Brazil don't identify themselves with what they do either, but not because of place. Rather, because most just work to survive and don't really identify with it as a reflection of who they are.
Anastasia

There are so many things we are good at, Catherine, things we've been trained to do well -- yet ultimately have very little to do with who we are and what we care about. As Jonathan Fields writes here, we have to drill down past "momentary skills and abilities."

This is such an iconic hybrid self issue. Yes, we might be able to do this work and live this life we were *born into*, trained for. But there's plenty more that has yet to come to light and hopefully we can meld these deeper urges with the skills we've learned to take both to a new level.

I'm looking forward to your revelations this spring and summer after a winter of working in the murkiest realms of self.
Catherine Bayar

Thanks Anastasia - that Jonathan Fields post is so relevant to my winter pondering. I don't want to live a shallow life, doing just what comes easily.

As he notes, "Personal brands have ENDURING power…IF you first do the really hard work that most people skitter past." That's the key - doing the hard work. And yes, it's HARD! But well worth it down the road, of that I'm sure.
.-= Catherine Bayar's latest blog ..Silky Jade Vintage Suzani =-.

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