Inside outsider: no way to fit in when you stand out

70 comments

in community,identity,self-image

Cobblestain by S.Koehler

By SEZIN KOEHLER

Long-term expats are different than tourists. Here in Prague, where the ministry of tourism has tried to change negative Czech attitudes toward foreign visitors, I do my best to be as Czech as I can.

Czech people tend not to cross the street until the green walking man signal appears. Even if there’s no traffic, you’ll see people waiting for permission. So I do this, even when I see my tram passing.

Waiting for the light is a small but public action I feel aligns me with my host country.

In four years I haven’t taken any photos of my city unless a friend was visiting. Hordes of tourists — 1.6 million in a city of 1.2 million — click away, blocking sidewalks, not buying tram tickets. To me, they’re a sign of transiency, not the permanency I’ve fostered.

Then last November I joined a group photo-a-day project.

The first few weeks caused a great deal of anxiety. I suddenly found myself appearing to be a tourist with my little Canon Powershot documenting my neighborhood, the silent-as-a-library tram rides, and typical attractions like Old Town Prague. Whenever a Czech person would catch me taking a snap, I’d cringe inside.

I’ve gained respect for tourists in Prague. They give me the space to capture the perfect moment, waiting patiently until I am done, unlike the locals whose shoulders and backs have ruined many a lovely shot.

I will always be a tourist to Czech people, a visitor in this formerly Communist land. Ethnically and culturally I am separate from them. Accepting my place as an outsider on the inside has taught me I can choose when to be like a Czech or when to revel in my otherness.

How do you negotiate your inside outsider position within your host country?

+++++
Sezin Koehler is a half-American half-Sri Lankan global nomad and novelist whose first novel, American Monsters, will be released in 2010.
+++++

Related posts:

  1. Past is present: haunted by a land’s dark legacy
  2. My foreign body: geocharacteristics of a population
  3. The new global laborers: when economics fuels a middle class migration
  4. Monster brawl: when Gagaism meets totalitarianism
  5. With/out borders: the shape of your world
  • Eileen

    Though I am not considered a “Floridian” because I was not born in this state, I have lived here for 31 years. This state welcomes tourists in the winter. Whether you were born here or live here year around, there are just some things that are exclusive to toursits or “snowbirds” (seasonal residences). People who live here do not take pictures of palm trees or lizards. People who live here do not wear bathing suits in less than 75* weather. People who live here do not step into the ocean unless it is at least 73*. I am fortunate to live in a state where there are the most magnificant sunrises and sunsets. They take my breath away every single day. But I have very few pictures of them. My pictures are precious, my children and their spouses, my grandchildren, my family and my dogs.

  • Eileen

    Though I am not considered a “Floridian” because I was not born in this state, I have lived here for 31 years. This state welcomes tourists in the winter. Whether you were born here or live here year around, there are just some things that are exclusive to toursits or “snowbirds” (seasonal residences). People who live here do not take pictures of palm trees or lizards. People who live here do not wear bathing suits in less than 75* weather. People who live here do not step into the ocean unless it is at least 73*. I am fortunate to live in a state where there are the most magnificant sunrises and sunsets. They take my breath away every single day. But I have very few pictures of them. My pictures are precious, my children and their spouses, my grandchildren, my family and my dogs.

  • Keiko Samuels

    A first timer to this site. Born in Japan in 1945, left home at 16 to study in a Michigan high school, married a Japanese and with an American now in Chiangmai Thailand.
    Will be in Turkey for a month in April and to the rest of Europe eventually.

    Can someone show me how to become a part of this exciting site?

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Keiko!

      You’ve already made the first step, by commenting. Keep it up!

      Cheers,
      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Intimate Strangers =-.

  • Keiko Samuels

    A first timer to this site. Born in Japan in 1945, left home at 16 to study in a Michigan high school, married a Japanese and with an American now in Chiangmai Thailand.
    Will be in Turkey for a month in April and to the rest of Europe eventually.

    Can someone show me how to become a part of this exciting site?

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Keiko!

      You’ve already made the first step, by commenting. Keep it up!

      Cheers,
      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Intimate Strangers =-.

  • http://lovelivesurvivehome.blogspot.com/ Yasmine

    After reading all your comments I see how lucky I am to live in Quebec, Canada. The first thing they said to us was: “Bienvenue chez vous!” It will never be my true home but I feel very comfortable living here in every aspect. Even if Quebecers are always very polite they are also very distant,it is extremely difficult to make friends. One more thing: here they love and cherish the tourists!

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Yes, Yasmine! You are phenomenally lucky. Enjoy it!

      I think it’s generally difficult to make friends with locals (unless you’re in Asia, goodness, they are so friendly over there!), but I’ve found that some of my most memorable and wonderful encounters have been with people who are outsiders on the inside like me. I’m sure there are many in Quebec, and maybe that is your next mission?

      Thank you for commenting!

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Fear Of Flying =-.

  • http://lovelivesurvivehome.blogspot.com/ Yasmine

    After reading all your comments I see how lucky I am to live in Quebec, Canada. The first thing they said to us was: “Bienvenue chez vous!” It will never be my true home but I feel very comfortable living here in every aspect. Even if Quebecers are always very polite they are also very distant,it is extremely difficult to make friends. One more thing: here they love and cherish the tourists!

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Yes, Yasmine! You are phenomenally lucky. Enjoy it!

      I think it’s generally difficult to make friends with locals (unless you’re in Asia, goodness, they are so friendly over there!), but I’ve found that some of my most memorable and wonderful encounters have been with people who are outsiders on the inside like me. I’m sure there are many in Quebec, and maybe that is your next mission?

      Thank you for commenting!

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Fear Of Flying =-.

  • http://hopefilledjars.blogspot.com/ Judith van Praag

    Sezin, It was wonderful to recognize the writer in you in your speaking voice in #dialogue2010.
    As for your 1pic-a-day project, the camera seems to be your key to entering Prague with a sense of purpose that goes beyond being a tourist or expat struggling to make sense of the idiosyncrasies of yet another city.
    Don’t you find that looking with the eye of an artist allows you admission where you might have denied yourself entrance before?

    BTW before the advent of the digital camera I was more shy about snapping pics of people. My early photographs of Prague only show scenery!

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Judith,

      Yes, Dialogue 2010 was amazing. I think your nickname of “Dutchess” is very fitting in a way aside from your Dutch heritage: you have a regal manner of speaking which I’m sure reflects how you carry yourself in real life. Beautiful!

      Your question is interesting. I think when I overcome many of my residual fears of this place, being a woman of color who appears to be a tourist can be scary here, with Prague’s history of violence against South Asian tourists. I have to choose when I feel safe to bring out my camera and shoot. However, I’ve been really into taking self-portraits at home, using all the different functions of my camera, and using all the acting cues I remember from years ago in theatre. This has been awesome and I’m finally learning how to express my happiness and my sadness through the camera lens. Not as easy as it sounds!

      Thanks for commenting, Dutchess, and looking forward to our next meeting!

      Hugs,

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Fear Of Flying =-.

      • http://www.dutchessabroad.com Judith van Praag

        Hi Sezin,

        Regal and beautiful eh? You make my day (good start, it’s just pas 7 a.m. PST). No honestly, the ease with which others communicate in the Expat+Harem blogosphere makes me experience my own tone/voice as more constrained than others. Growing up in the Netherlands the joke was that Dutch mothers start to resemble or aspire to look like the queen. Or perhaps that was just a joke in our household regarding my mother’s *vogueing*.

        I can see how careful you felt you had to be making photos in Prague. Some years ago my husband and I were in Antwerp shooting pictures of all the houses my paternal grandparents had lived in. Most of the addresses were in the old Jewish neighborhood near the Railway Station. While small Hasidic boys glanced with interest at Gary’s Akubra hat, their father’s in black hats looked on in something close to animosity. At some point a whole group of people started staring at us, wishing us away. Of course your experience is different but still, mine makes me empathize with yours.

        Re: expressing happiness and sadness of self as seen through camera lens is no small feat! Daring to hold on to the images you’ve captured is even more of a challenge. With my iPhone in hand I’ve caught myself crying, wailing even, on camera. And I have to admit, I’ve deleted those photos. I don’t mind looking at them, but I was afraid they’d scare the wits out of my husband. Now I’m sorry I did. Do you share the, or rather all the photos you take with someone close to you?

        Hugs
        Judith

  • Anonymous

    Sezin, It was wonderful to recognize the writer in you in your speaking voice in #dialogue2010.
    As for your 1pic-a-day project, the camera seems to be your key to entering Prague with a sense of purpose that goes beyond being a tourist or expat struggling to make sense of the idiosyncrasies of yet another city.
    Don’t you find that looking with the eye of an artist allows you admission where you might have denied yourself entrance before?

    BTW before the advent of the digital camera I was more shy about snapping pics of people. My early photographs of Prague only show scenery!

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Judith,

      Yes, Dialogue 2010 was amazing. I think your nickname of “Dutchess” is very fitting in a way aside from your Dutch heritage: you have a regal manner of speaking which I’m sure reflects how you carry yourself in real life. Beautiful!

      Your question is interesting. I think when I overcome many of my residual fears of this place, being a woman of color who appears to be a tourist can be scary here, with Prague’s history of violence against South Asian tourists. I have to choose when I feel safe to bring out my camera and shoot. However, I’ve been really into taking self-portraits at home, using all the different functions of my camera, and using all the acting cues I remember from years ago in theatre. This has been awesome and I’m finally learning how to express my happiness and my sadness through the camera lens. Not as easy as it sounds!

      Thanks for commenting, Dutchess, and looking forward to our next meeting!

      Hugs,

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Fear Of Flying =-.

      • Anonymous

        Hi Sezin,

        Regal and beautiful eh? You make my day (good start, it’s just pas 7 a.m. PST). No honestly, the ease with which others communicate in the Expat+Harem blogosphere makes me experience my own tone/voice as more constrained than others. Growing up in the Netherlands the joke was that Dutch mothers start to resemble or aspire to look like the queen. Or perhaps that was just a joke in our household regarding my mother’s *vogueing*.

        I can see how careful you felt you had to be making photos in Prague. Some years ago my husband and I were in Antwerp shooting pictures of all the houses my paternal grandparents had lived in. Most of the addresses were in the old Jewish neighborhood near the Railway Station. While small Hasidic boys glanced with interest at Gary’s Akubra hat, their father’s in black hats looked on in something close to animosity. At some point a whole group of people started staring at us, wishing us away. Of course your experience is different but still, mine makes me empathize with yours.

        Re: expressing happiness and sadness of self as seen through camera lens is no small feat! Daring to hold on to the images you’ve captured is even more of a challenge. With my iPhone in hand I’ve caught myself crying, wailing even, on camera. And I have to admit, I’ve deleted those photos. I don’t mind looking at them, but I was afraid they’d scare the wits out of my husband. Now I’m sorry I did. Do you share the, or rather all the photos you take with someone close to you?

        Hugs
        Judith

  • http://parisimperfect.com/ Sion

    Hi Sezin,

    Great post. I think about this all of the time. I’m an American living in France, married to a Frenchman. While being married to someone from the host country can help in some ways, I will forever be an outsider. At first I tried to fit in as best I could, but it soon became clear that no matter how long I live here or how good my language skills, I will always be considered an outsider.

    The French word for foreigner is “etrangere” – literally “stranger.” Taking this on has actually freed me up to be more myself. I mean, they already think I’m ‘strange’, so it gives me license to be myself :) Just as we shouldn’t expect another country and culture to conform to our own expectations, I had to give myself a break and say it works the other direction, too. I don’t have to give up who I am, either. Coming to peace with that has helped me immensely.

    Thanks for the post!
    Sion

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Sion,

      Thanks for your comment! It seems that we as expats first have to always try and fit in somehow before we realise that we’ll never fit in to the degree we want. Letting go of that expectation seems key to feeling at home with never really being at home. You should whip out your camera and start photographing everything and everyone. If you can manage to not care what the very judgemental French think then you’ll never be bothered by anyone ever again. :-) I need to take a cue from you and be a bit easier on myself about this; the pressure isn’t really necessary is it?

      Enjoy embracing your strangeness and I’ll do the same!

      Cheers,

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Fear Of Flying =-.

  • http://parisimperfect.com/ Sion

    Hi Sezin,

    Great post. I think about this all of the time. I’m an American living in France, married to a Frenchman. While being married to someone from the host country can help in some ways, I will forever be an outsider. At first I tried to fit in as best I could, but it soon became clear that no matter how long I live here or how good my language skills, I will always be considered an outsider.

    The French word for foreigner is “etrangere” – literally “stranger.” Taking this on has actually freed me up to be more myself. I mean, they already think I’m ‘strange’, so it gives me license to be myself :) Just as we shouldn’t expect another country and culture to conform to our own expectations, I had to give myself a break and say it works the other direction, too. I don’t have to give up who I am, either. Coming to peace with that has helped me immensely.

    Thanks for the post!
    Sion

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Sion,

      Thanks for your comment! It seems that we as expats first have to always try and fit in somehow before we realise that we’ll never fit in to the degree we want. Letting go of that expectation seems key to feeling at home with never really being at home. You should whip out your camera and start photographing everything and everyone. If you can manage to not care what the very judgemental French think then you’ll never be bothered by anyone ever again. :-) I need to take a cue from you and be a bit easier on myself about this; the pressure isn’t really necessary is it?

      Enjoy embracing your strangeness and I’ll do the same!

      Cheers,

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Fear Of Flying =-.

  • Anonymous

    Sezin, being indoctrinated into Turkish familial and cultural life through the help of my in-laws made my transition earlier. My standing was established, I was a ‘gelin’ – bride – and bypassed some of the difficulty in being an outsider on the inside. But leaving the comfort zone of my Turkish family and neighborhood was a different story. I have long felt an insider on the outsider in the US, so perhaps there is no real comfort zone except the one I cultivate for myself. I, too, neglect to bring my camera out for daily strolls, and feel shy when sight-seeing with camera-toting visitors who come to stay with us. But having kids makes that easier, too, nobody thinks twice when you’re snapping away at your children. I think the more time goes on, I care less about what is thought about me. I’ve worked hard to adapt, and now it’s time to relax. It’s a two-way street.

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Rose,

      As I mentioned to Sher earlier, I would think that being married to someone from your host country would make things slightly easier in that you are on the inside track towards understanding what you should or shouldn’t do. I’m glad to hear that assumption wasn’t so far off the mark.

      It’s good you’ve found a comfortable way to take pictures via your children, and like I said to Catherine B. below, the best way to start taking pictures is start with what you know or take pictures of a place everyone always photographs and get used to yourself behind the lens. Once you get over the initial internal turmoil that the camera brings then taking pictures becomes a real pleasure. You’re on the right track and keep me posted on whether you start taking it further! I’d love to see what your life looks like. :-) Thanks for commenting!
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inside Outsider: An expat+HAREM Guest Blog =-.

  • http://www.rosedeniz.blogspot.com rosedeniz

    Sezin, being indoctrinated into Turkish familial and cultural life through the help of my in-laws made my transition earlier. My standing was established, I was a ‘gelin’ – bride – and bypassed some of the difficulty in being an outsider on the inside. But leaving the comfort zone of my Turkish family and neighborhood was a different story. I have long felt an insider on the outsider in the US, so perhaps there is no real comfort zone except the one I cultivate for myself. I, too, neglect to bring my camera out for daily strolls, and feel shy when sight-seeing with camera-toting visitors who come to stay with us. But having kids makes that easier, too, nobody thinks twice when you’re snapping away at your children. I think the more time goes on, I care less about what is thought about me. I’ve worked hard to adapt, and now it’s time to relax. It’s a two-way street.

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Rose,

      As I mentioned to Sher earlier, I would think that being married to someone from your host country would make things slightly easier in that you are on the inside track towards understanding what you should or shouldn’t do. I’m glad to hear that assumption wasn’t so far off the mark.

      It’s good you’ve found a comfortable way to take pictures via your children, and like I said to Catherine B. below, the best way to start taking pictures is start with what you know or take pictures of a place everyone always photographs and get used to yourself behind the lens. Once you get over the initial internal turmoil that the camera brings then taking pictures becomes a real pleasure. You’re on the right track and keep me posted on whether you start taking it further! I’d love to see what your life looks like. :-) Thanks for commenting!
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inside Outsider: An expat+HAREM Guest Blog =-.

  • http://www.reddirtsite.com Roxanne

    Sezin, what a wonderful website project, and your piece is brilliant, captures a world in stripped down language, almost a haiku. Keep it up.

    Love, Roxanne

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Thank you for reading, Roxanne. I have a really brilliant editor, Anastasia Ashman, and without her this blog/haiku wouldn’t exist, nor would this wonderful website. Your encouragement puts some more fire in my belly. As ever, you are a great inspiration.
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inside Outsider: An expat+HAREM Guest Blog =-.

  • http://www.reddirtsite.com Roxanne

    Sezin, what a wonderful website project, and your piece is brilliant, captures a world in stripped down language, almost a haiku. Keep it up.

    Love, Roxanne

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Thank you for reading, Roxanne. I have a really brilliant editor, Anastasia Ashman, and without her this blog/haiku wouldn’t exist, nor would this wonderful website. Your encouragement puts some more fire in my belly. As ever, you are a great inspiration.
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inside Outsider: An expat+HAREM Guest Blog =-.

  • http://skaiangates.blogspot.com Catherine

    Inside outsider sums it up so well! I blend in pretty well until I start talking, even then people aren’t sure where I’m from immediately. But I don’t speak out much amongst strangers, if I start commenting on the state of the town my foreign-ness is immediately held against me (though I may have lived here longer than some of the defenders!)
    Funny how something as slight as a camera can mark you out. Here in Canakkale there are plenty of tourists, both Turkish and foreign, so there isn’t such a taboo on photography.
    .-= Catherine’s latest blog ..Mapping My Worldview =-.

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Thanks, Catherine! You’re certainly a lucky one. It’s funny because I’ve lived in a number of places where physically I looked like the people from my host country and all I wanted to do was set myself apart. Now that I’m living somewhere that I’ve no option for that, all I want is to blend in. :-) Then again, the other places I lived didn’t have problems with neo-Nazis, so I’m sure that contributes to my desire.

      Out of curiosity, how do the people in your town feel about tourists? Here tourists are really hated with a passion for a number of reasons, so it would be interesting to hear how it’s different in Canakkale.
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inside Outsider: An expat+HAREM Guest Blog =-.

  • http://www.skaiangates.com Yazarc

    Inside outsider sums it up so well! I blend in pretty well until I start talking, even then people aren’t sure where I’m from immediately. But I don’t speak out much amongst strangers, if I start commenting on the state of the town my foreign-ness is immediately held against me (though I may have lived here longer than some of the defenders!)
    Funny how something as slight as a camera can mark you out. Here in Canakkale there are plenty of tourists, both Turkish and foreign, so there isn’t such a taboo on photography.
    .-= Catherine’s latest blog ..Mapping My Worldview =-.

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Thanks, Catherine! You’re certainly a lucky one. It’s funny because I’ve lived in a number of places where physically I looked like the people from my host country and all I wanted to do was set myself apart. Now that I’m living somewhere that I’ve no option for that, all I want is to blend in. :-) Then again, the other places I lived didn’t have problems with neo-Nazis, so I’m sure that contributes to my desire.

      Out of curiosity, how do the people in your town feel about tourists? Here tourists are really hated with a passion for a number of reasons, so it would be interesting to hear how it’s different in Canakkale.
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inside Outsider: An expat+HAREM Guest Blog =-.

  • Lina

    Sezin, loved your article, and agreed with you tenfold. Living as a foreigner in a city can be a very difficult thing, and it can take a long time to be accepted. I myself lived in the Philippines for many years working on one the islands, and although I was always made to feel welcome, I was always the ‘foreigner’. Although I no longer live there now, I have fond memories and thousands of photos to relive it all by. I have never been to Czech, but have heard that it is a beautiful place, with many beautiful old buildings worth taking a photo of. It sounds like you are enjoying the experience of living in Prague though, and as many of your readers have said, respecting the culture of the country you are in is vital. Sounds like you are doing just that! Enjoy!

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Lina!

      Thank you for your thoughtful comment. It seems you were way ahead of the curve in your photography. :-) I think once we accept that there are certain ways we will never fit in with our host countries then we can stop being so hard on ourselves to blend in, you as a Swedish woman in the Philippines, me as a Sri Lankan(ish) woman in Prague. I’m so glad you have all the beautiful pictures to remember your time in the Philippines, and each day that I capture new things here I am ever grateful to be compiling all of my own memories in images. Come visit me! We can wander around town together snapping pictures and having a blast. :-)
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inside Outsider: An expat+HAREM Guest Blog =-.

  • Lina

    Sezin, loved your article, and agreed with you tenfold. Living as a foreigner in a city can be a very difficult thing, and it can take a long time to be accepted. I myself lived in the Philippines for many years working on one the islands, and although I was always made to feel welcome, I was always the ‘foreigner’. Although I no longer live there now, I have fond memories and thousands of photos to relive it all by. I have never been to Czech, but have heard that it is a beautiful place, with many beautiful old buildings worth taking a photo of. It sounds like you are enjoying the experience of living in Prague though, and as many of your readers have said, respecting the culture of the country you are in is vital. Sounds like you are doing just that! Enjoy!

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Lina!

      Thank you for your thoughtful comment. It seems you were way ahead of the curve in your photography. :-) I think once we accept that there are certain ways we will never fit in with our host countries then we can stop being so hard on ourselves to blend in, you as a Swedish woman in the Philippines, me as a Sri Lankan(ish) woman in Prague. I’m so glad you have all the beautiful pictures to remember your time in the Philippines, and each day that I capture new things here I am ever grateful to be compiling all of my own memories in images. Come visit me! We can wander around town together snapping pictures and having a blast. :-)
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inside Outsider: An expat+HAREM Guest Blog =-.

  • http://www.speakingofchina.com Jocelyn

    Sezin, this post really resonated with me. It reminds me of my reluctance to take photographs of my neighborhood in Shanghai, as I cringed at the thought of being another tourist “laowai” (foreigner). In China, it’s much harder to try to “fit in” and be Chinese, because it is obvious, from my appearance, that I’m not Chinese.

    Yet, at the same time, I have discovered a sense of belonging through my husband, and the many Chinese friends I have there — they are the ones that help me feel as if I am more on the inside, even if I always will look like an outsider.
    .-= Jocelyn’s latest blog ..Chapter 30: One Lonely, Post-Thanksgiving Saturday in China =-.

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      You’re spot on, Jocelyn. There’s nothing we can do to make ourselves look more like our hosts so we have to find ways around it, and a great way is to make friends with the locals. It’s so true that having friends who are “inside insiders” can make all the difference in understanding the culture and its traditions. Thanks for commenting!
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inside Outsider: An expat+HAREM Guest Blog =-.

  • http://www.speakingofchina.com Jocelyn

    Sezin, this post really resonated with me. It reminds me of my reluctance to take photographs of my neighborhood in Shanghai, as I cringed at the thought of being another tourist “laowai” (foreigner). In China, it’s much harder to try to “fit in” and be Chinese, because it is obvious, from my appearance, that I’m not Chinese.

    Yet, at the same time, I have discovered a sense of belonging through my husband, and the many Chinese friends I have there — they are the ones that help me feel as if I am more on the inside, even if I always will look like an outsider.
    .-= Jocelyn’s latest blog ..Chapter 30: One Lonely, Post-Thanksgiving Saturday in China =-.

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      You’re spot on, Jocelyn. There’s nothing we can do to make ourselves look more like our hosts so we have to find ways around it, and a great way is to make friends with the locals. It’s so true that having friends who are “inside insiders” can make all the difference in understanding the culture and its traditions. Thanks for commenting!
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inside Outsider: An expat+HAREM Guest Blog =-.

  • http://innoword.com/spanishtart Sarah

    I can completely relate to this! I try so hard to fit in here in Madrid. I started blogging and taking pictures of the city recently though, and taking out my camera is the hardest thing to do. It makes me feel like such a tourist and I too cringe inside. But Madrid is a city that should be photographed and remembered!

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Sarah!

      I also lived in Spain and my feeling was that the Spanish were as open to tourists or long-term visitors as the Czechs are, meaning not all that much. But as you say, YES, Madrid is a city that should be captured, just take a deep breath and start snapping away. :-)
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inside Outsider: An expat+HAREM Guest Blog =-.

  • http://innoword.com/spanishtart Sarah

    I can completely relate to this! I try so hard to fit in here in Madrid. I started blogging and taking pictures of the city recently though, and taking out my camera is the hardest thing to do. It makes me feel like such a tourist and I too cringe inside. But Madrid is a city that should be photographed and remembered!

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Sarah!

      I also lived in Spain and my feeling was that the Spanish were as open to tourists or long-term visitors as the Czechs are, meaning not all that much. But as you say, YES, Madrid is a city that should be captured, just take a deep breath and start snapping away. :-)
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inside Outsider: An expat+HAREM Guest Blog =-.

  • Annie Ozsarac

    I agree that in Turkey, using Turkish is a quick way to differentiate yourself from the run of the mill tourist. Turks are so kind that way, if you show an interest in the language and culture, they are so appreciative and graceful about it. I remember being at the DMV back in the states, post-expat, and saw a Russian family trying to get a driver’s license using limited English, and they were not being treated well. It really made me realize that of the two countries I have lived in, Guatemala and Turkey, the people were/are so patient and kind about my inability to speak their language either at all, or well. I am not sure if I would have had this empathy if I hadn’t left my home country. Another thing that helps is having two boys named Ali and Omer, this is a a great ice breaker. Having said that, in an attempt to document our life here for friends and family back in North America, I turned my camera on Istanbul last night, and turned into a tourist, and I had great fun taking shots and soaking in the things that I love about this city. Great post, Sezin, thank you.

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Annie,

      What an interesting perspective you bring to this discussion. I think we can safely generalise that there are some peoples who are more friendly than others, and personally I think weather has a great deal to do with this. I notice that countries with a warmer climate tend to also have warmer people, which certainly goes true for your two places of Guatemala and Turkey. :-)

      I’m so glad you’ve started taking photos of Istanbul! It’s so important to have visual cues to look back on later, and especially for your boys. My mom documented my childhood impeccably and for that I am always grateful.

      Thanks for commenting!

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inglourious Revenge =-.

  • Annie Ozsarac

    I agree that in Turkey, using Turkish is a quick way to differentiate yourself from the run of the mill tourist. Turks are so kind that way, if you show an interest in the language and culture, they are so appreciative and graceful about it. I remember being at the DMV back in the states, post-expat, and saw a Russian family trying to get a driver’s license using limited English, and they were not being treated well. It really made me realize that of the two countries I have lived in, Guatemala and Turkey, the people were/are so patient and kind about my inability to speak their language either at all, or well. I am not sure if I would have had this empathy if I hadn’t left my home country. Another thing that helps is having two boys named Ali and Omer, this is a a great ice breaker. Having said that, in an attempt to document our life here for friends and family back in North America, I turned my camera on Istanbul last night, and turned into a tourist, and I had great fun taking shots and soaking in the things that I love about this city. Great post, Sezin, thank you.

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Annie,

      What an interesting perspective you bring to this discussion. I think we can safely generalise that there are some peoples who are more friendly than others, and personally I think weather has a great deal to do with this. I notice that countries with a warmer climate tend to also have warmer people, which certainly goes true for your two places of Guatemala and Turkey. :-)

      I’m so glad you’ve started taking photos of Istanbul! It’s so important to have visual cues to look back on later, and especially for your boys. My mom documented my childhood impeccably and for that I am always grateful.

      Thanks for commenting!

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inglourious Revenge =-.

  • Marty

    From an expat living in Colombo Sri Lanka. I liked the article….and I must say that there are days that I feel like an insider, and others an outsider. Insider days: when I went to the market and successfully bargained; walking down the road in the hot sun and no one pays attention to me; spending time with friends; eatting my rice and curry the traditional way, among many other things. Outsider times: Doing my exercise on the roof at sunset….this always gets a smile from the others. Wearing a dress…something I rarely would do. Taking photos. For a long time, I did not take photos, and then realized that I was missing out on so many opportunities. And so, now I do take my camera wherever I go. But people always stop and look to see what I am taking a photo of, and often smile….and agree that this was something worth doing. In spite of what a global report on livable cities said, Colombo should not have been listed in the bottom 10!

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Marty (or Mummy, as I usually call you),

      It sounds like we are having a very similar experience although quite far apart from each other! I love that you’ve found a good way to negotiate between being American and still knowing the ins and outs of life for Sri Lankans, and where you fit in between as an expat. I’m also so glad you’re taking pictures of your life there, since I’ve started capturing my life here in Prague I feel my experience has become richer and I see the world around me through new lenses each day. Sadly, I don’t get smiles from people if or when they stop to see what I’m capturing, I get lots of dirty looks and exasperation, so enjoy that sensation each time it happens!

      Love,

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inglourious Revenge =-.

  • Marty

    From an expat living in Colombo Sri Lanka. I liked the article….and I must say that there are days that I feel like an insider, and others an outsider. Insider days: when I went to the market and successfully bargained; walking down the road in the hot sun and no one pays attention to me; spending time with friends; eatting my rice and curry the traditional way, among many other things. Outsider times: Doing my exercise on the roof at sunset….this always gets a smile from the others. Wearing a dress…something I rarely would do. Taking photos. For a long time, I did not take photos, and then realized that I was missing out on so many opportunities. And so, now I do take my camera wherever I go. But people always stop and look to see what I am taking a photo of, and often smile….and agree that this was something worth doing. In spite of what a global report on livable cities said, Colombo should not have been listed in the bottom 10!

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Marty (or Mummy, as I usually call you),

      It sounds like we are having a very similar experience although quite far apart from each other! I love that you’ve found a good way to negotiate between being American and still knowing the ins and outs of life for Sri Lankans, and where you fit in between as an expat. I’m also so glad you’re taking pictures of your life there, since I’ve started capturing my life here in Prague I feel my experience has become richer and I see the world around me through new lenses each day. Sadly, I don’t get smiles from people if or when they stop to see what I’m capturing, I get lots of dirty looks and exasperation, so enjoy that sensation each time it happens!

      Love,

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inglourious Revenge =-.

  • http://www.istanbulblogger.com/ brian

    sezin,interesting green lights here in istanbul should come with a health warning ,one thing about istanbul nobody waits or wants too ,numerous times I have crossed the green light path and yanked my wife out of the way a car. Isao where would I be without the Dolmus drivers there my saviour.

    As for photography living in a city offers some great moments to catch people in their natural way and dont be dissalusioned by someones head appearing at the critical moment.I often take some 300 shots and perhaps 10 are worthy of a second look.I dont worry about looking like a tourist with a SLR slung around my neck, i find talking to people in Turkish breaks that barrier and curiosity from them and relaxes you without concerning yourself of feeling awkward.The etiquette is politeness and respecting their ways and if I see someone through the lense looking concerned at having a lense in their direction I turn away or make conversation .Also never stop looking or close your eyes you may miss that shot or moment.

    I dont think of myself anymore has a foriegner when I am out and about(though I am)and neither do I see myself as a Turkish person ,once again there is no point in being a drama queen about the rights and wrongs of daily life you may be accustom too prior to being an expat. I think Isao comment “How I behave will influence how they will welcome the next waves of nomads” sums it up for me ,it is all about how we act or react ,if we walk and go around arrogantly complaining at the ways then the experience or life will become bitter and harsh.

    once again thanks to anastasia for making this relative topic possible.

    brian
    .-= brian’s latest blog ..Istanbul: Kilyos a different Istanbul =-.

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Brian,

      That’s some very good advice about how to think about walking around town with my camera. I’m far less self-concious about my camera now, but I still have a way to go before I feel 100% comfortable. Prague is so full of strange and beautiful things, you’re spot on in saying I need to keep my eyes open to not miss something great. My next goal for myself is to start asking if I can take people’s portraits. Wish me luck!

      Your comment about the crosswalks in Istanbul made me chuckle. I remember that aspect of life very well and there was never a shortage of near-death experiences to keep me on my toes.

      Thanks for commenting!

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inglourious Revenge =-.

  • http://www.istanbulblogger.com/ brian

    sezin,interesting green lights here in istanbul should come with a health warning ,one thing about istanbul nobody waits or wants too ,numerous times I have crossed the green light path and yanked my wife out of the way a car. Isao where would I be without the Dolmus drivers there my saviour.

    As for photography living in a city offers some great moments to catch people in their natural way and dont be dissalusioned by someones head appearing at the critical moment.I often take some 300 shots and perhaps 10 are worthy of a second look.I dont worry about looking like a tourist with a SLR slung around my neck, i find talking to people in Turkish breaks that barrier and curiosity from them and relaxes you without concerning yourself of feeling awkward.The etiquette is politeness and respecting their ways and if I see someone through the lense looking concerned at having a lense in their direction I turn away or make conversation .Also never stop looking or close your eyes you may miss that shot or moment.

    I dont think of myself anymore has a foriegner when I am out and about(though I am)and neither do I see myself as a Turkish person ,once again there is no point in being a drama queen about the rights and wrongs of daily life you may be accustom too prior to being an expat. I think Isao comment “How I behave will influence how they will welcome the next waves of nomads” sums it up for me ,it is all about how we act or react ,if we walk and go around arrogantly complaining at the ways then the experience or life will become bitter and harsh.

    once again thanks to anastasia for making this relative topic possible.

    brian
    .-= brian’s latest blog ..Istanbul: Kilyos a different Istanbul =-.

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Brian,

      That’s some very good advice about how to think about walking around town with my camera. I’m far less self-concious about my camera now, but I still have a way to go before I feel 100% comfortable. Prague is so full of strange and beautiful things, you’re spot on in saying I need to keep my eyes open to not miss something great. My next goal for myself is to start asking if I can take people’s portraits. Wish me luck!

      Your comment about the crosswalks in Istanbul made me chuckle. I remember that aspect of life very well and there was never a shortage of near-death experiences to keep me on my toes.

      Thanks for commenting!

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inglourious Revenge =-.

  • http://www.bazaarbayar.etsy.com Catherine Bayar

    “An outsider on the inside” is a perfect way to say how I’ve often felt in Turkey, Sezin. I too have only furtively snapped photos of my town, since I hate being taken for a tourist. But being called a ‘turist’ is easier than being ‘yabanci’ – stranger. Turkey does not feel a foreign place to me anymore, but true, I will always be a foreigner.

    In time, I’ve absorbed much of Turkish culture, but I’m grateful not to be expected to adhere fully to its rules. Being the only American many people in our town may ever know, other than those who get back on the tour bus, makes it important to show respect for both countries I call home. The funny thing is that now when I’m in the US, I feel like an insider on the outside.
    .-= Catherine Bayar’s latest blog ..My Favorite Kilims =-.

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Catharine!

      Thanks for commenting and I’m so glad my piece struck a chord with you too. I think when we’re used to being long term expats or at home the idea of being a tourist is an insufferable one, but yes, we’ll never fully be a part of our new home and we have to find a way to make the best of it.

      I say, get your camera out and start snapping pictures of all that is around you. Maybe start in your home or start with the most touristy things possible, that way nobody will think twice or even notice you taking pictures. Then once you feel more comfortable being out in public with your camera you’ll get the confidence to start capturing your real and daily life. I would love to see those pictures so please keep me posted!

      I love what you said about being an “insider on the outside” when you’re back in the States. Beautifully put, and I’m sure I’m not the only one here who has felt like that.

      Best,

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inglourious Revenge =-.

      • http://www.bazaarbayar.etsy.com Catherine Bayar

        Thanks for the encouragement, Sezin! We’ll be living in Istanbul this coming year; somehow I find it much easier to take photos there where I’m more anonymous. True what Brian says about being careful not to offend and breaking the ice by speaking Turkish. But that can bring on a barrage of questions I don’t always have time for! At least it’s almost always a friendly curiosity and rarely hostile.

  • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

    “An outsider on the inside” is a perfect way to say how I’ve often felt in Turkey, Sezin. I too have only furtively snapped photos of my town, since I hate being taken for a tourist. But being called a ‘turist’ is easier than being ‘yabanci’ – stranger. Turkey does not feel a foreign place to me anymore, but true, I will always be a foreigner.

    In time, I’ve absorbed much of Turkish culture, but I’m grateful not to be expected to adhere fully to its rules. Being the only American many people in our town may ever know, other than those who get back on the tour bus, makes it important to show respect for both countries I call home. The funny thing is that now when I’m in the US, I feel like an insider on the outside.
    .-= Catherine Bayar’s latest blog ..My Favorite Kilims =-.

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hi Catharine!

      Thanks for commenting and I’m so glad my piece struck a chord with you too. I think when we’re used to being long term expats or at home the idea of being a tourist is an insufferable one, but yes, we’ll never fully be a part of our new home and we have to find a way to make the best of it.

      I say, get your camera out and start snapping pictures of all that is around you. Maybe start in your home or start with the most touristy things possible, that way nobody will think twice or even notice you taking pictures. Then once you feel more comfortable being out in public with your camera you’ll get the confidence to start capturing your real and daily life. I would love to see those pictures so please keep me posted!

      I love what you said about being an “insider on the outside” when you’re back in the States. Beautifully put, and I’m sure I’m not the only one here who has felt like that.

      Best,

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inglourious Revenge =-.

      • http://www.bazaarbayar.blogspot.com Catherine Bayar

        Thanks for the encouragement, Sezin! We’ll be living in Istanbul this coming year; somehow I find it much easier to take photos there where I’m more anonymous. True what Brian says about being careful not to offend and breaking the ice by speaking Turkish. But that can bring on a barrage of questions I don’t always have time for! At least it’s almost always a friendly curiosity and rarely hostile.

  • http://sheroffthebeatenpath.blogspot.com/ Sher

    Great article, Sezin! You have the same attitude I have with regards to living in the Czech Republic as a foreigner. We will always be foreigners, but we should respect the Czech people and their society by not changing it to fit our own views and experiences. There is a richness to experience when living in another culture. In accepting the new culture for the way it is we can have a much better experience than when we try to resist our new home’s rich, layered tapestry of Life.

    This is my way of life every day since I’m married to a Czech. I try to make the effort to fit in as well as I can (aside from the language which is still a struggle!).

    Living here, or anywhere overseas, is always an adventure, but it can be a great experience when we don’t try to make the new culture “into our own image.”

    Have a great day!
    Sher

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hello Sher!

      Ah, a fellow Praguer! Thanks for your comment, and I am so glad to not be the only one here in Prague who’s felt like this. There are many things about life here that drive me crazy, but when I stop to think about those things it is because I’m falling into the trap you’ve described, making our host country “into our own image”. In some ways you have the advantage of being married to a Czech, which not only makes it easier for you to find out what you should/shouldn’t do and why. Do you ever feel that being married to a Czech gives you more legitimacy as an expat in Prague?

      But yes, Prague is an adventure. I’m biased, but I think it’s one of the better ones in the world. :-)

      A great evening to you,

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inglourious Revenge =-.

  • http://sheroffthebeatenpath.blogspot.com Sher

    Great article, Sezin! You have the same attitude I have with regards to living in the Czech Republic as a foreigner. We will always be foreigners, but we should respect the Czech people and their society by not changing it to fit our own views and experiences. There is a richness to experience when living in another culture. In accepting the new culture for the way it is we can have a much better experience than when we try to resist our new home’s rich, layered tapestry of Life.

    This is my way of life every day since I’m married to a Czech. I try to make the effort to fit in as well as I can (aside from the language which is still a struggle!).

    Living here, or anywhere overseas, is always an adventure, but it can be a great experience when we don’t try to make the new culture “into our own image.”

    Have a great day!
    Sher

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      Hello Sher!

      Ah, a fellow Praguer! Thanks for your comment, and I am so glad to not be the only one here in Prague who’s felt like this. There are many things about life here that drive me crazy, but when I stop to think about those things it is because I’m falling into the trap you’ve described, making our host country “into our own image”. In some ways you have the advantage of being married to a Czech, which not only makes it easier for you to find out what you should/shouldn’t do and why. Do you ever feel that being married to a Czech gives you more legitimacy as an expat in Prague?

      But yes, Prague is an adventure. I’m biased, but I think it’s one of the better ones in the world. :-)

      A great evening to you,

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inglourious Revenge =-.

  • http://isao.typepad.com/ Isao

    As an expatriate, I say thank you to small stuff in our daily life – to the bus drivers, 7-11 clerks, taxi drivers, and so on. Because Taiwan allows me to be myself, separated from local rules, I feel the urge to pay respect and show appreciation in everyday events. How I behave will influence how they will welcome the next waves of nomads. It’s almost like a duty, one that following is more fun than pain.

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      You make some wonderful points, Isao, and I also find myself doing the same. Thanking the garbage men or greeting the tram drivers even though those aren’t customary things that Czech people do. It’s something that certainly sets me apart as a foreigner, but hey, they already knew I was a foreigner so what do I have to lose? I also agree that the more considerate we are as expats the more we are able to shape how the “next waves of nomads” will be treated, and it’s so important to make a good impression.

      Thank you for commenting!

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inglourious Revenge =-.

  • http://isao.typepad.com/ Isao

    As an expatriate, I say thank you to small stuff in our daily life – to the bus drivers, 7-11 clerks, taxi drivers, and so on. Because Taiwan allows me to be myself, separated from local rules, I feel the urge to pay respect and show appreciation in everyday events. How I behave will influence how they will welcome the next waves of nomads. It’s almost like a duty, one that following is more fun than pain.

    • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

      You make some wonderful points, Isao, and I also find myself doing the same. Thanking the garbage men or greeting the tram drivers even though those aren’t customary things that Czech people do. It’s something that certainly sets me apart as a foreigner, but hey, they already knew I was a foreigner so what do I have to lose? I also agree that the more considerate we are as expats the more we are able to shape how the “next waves of nomads” will be treated, and it’s so important to make a good impression.

      Thank you for commenting!

      Sezin
      .-= Sezin’s latest blog ..Inglourious Revenge =-.

Previous post:

Next post: