Senso unico: the shifts and stages of expatriatism

@Madeline,

Thanks for this sensitive post. With most every entry I read in this series I realize how much easier it is for me to adjust to living in America, than it is for the authors. But differences there are, and perhaps especially because the language doesn’t appear to be a stumbling block, surprises happen, and you learn that a small nuance can make a big difference.

Totally agree with your point about visiting grocery stores. I’m telling you, when a host asked what I want to do in a new place, my answer often is: visit grocery stores. It used to be the American grocery stores made my jaw drop, now the mega stores in France do that and make my eyes pop.

I moved from Canada to the U.S. when I was 8 years old, so I guess I have almost always been an expat! I grew up mainly in the U.S. but spent seven years in the UK where I went through all four stages.

Now I’m back in the U.S. and realizing I’ve forgotten how to do some things here or, which expressions are UK specific which sometimes makes people wonder what on earth I’m talking about.

I guess being seven years older and “starting again” in a new city, I’d agree that my age impacts my expat experience. When I moved to the UK, I was younger, single and, I thought, only in the UK for a year. Now I’ve moved to the U.S. with my boyfriend for a more permanent move and experiencing our new city and making friends as a couple is a lot different. Not better or worse, just different.

Madeline, great post! Very true that our stage of life has a strong influence on how we manage our expatriatism. I started young with extended work trips to Europe and East Asia, learning much more about the cultures and customs than a tourist, but mercifully not having to deal with Stage 1! By the time I made the leap to move from the US to Turkey, I’d had experience defining who I am outside my birth culture. My “Stage 4″ now means that I’m equally at home in two countries. Much like your Senso Unico signs, there is no “one way” – just our own way.

The joys of Stage 3… We just had our 2nd daughter here in Uruguay… What a night and day difference from having a baby in the U.S. It’s summer here, it was 30C and the nurses were asking us “Why did you not bring wool clothing for the baby? Babies cannot regulate their body tempurature, they have to stay bundled up or they’ll freeze… blah blah blah blah…”

(They’re not into skin on skin contact or anything even remotely like that.. BUT they’re 100% for breast feeding… They don’t understand the concept of swaddling, BUT believe babies should be in wool from head to toe until they are 6-8 weeks old…)

I think the secret to being a successful expat is to just smile and go with the flow… Especially when you’re not a native speaker of their language… Regardless if you know what they are saying or not, you can always fall back on the equivalent of “Lo siento, no comprendo…” That phrase works wonders with telemarketers too…

stage 1: another reminder of what used to give me a headache frequently ,food shopping but i used the similarities of packaging design to what i was used to in UK to get me through the early traumas and then pray at the checkout no problems would happen.
like figen i used to walk around comparing everything thinking that’s not right you can’t do that but quickly I learned how pampered life was sometimes back in the UK .as for doctors and surgery’s when I applied to get married here I had to use the public health-care ,standing there with a ticket in a Que of 30 people and then sitting there with 30 people all watching me give a blood sample in a Que waiting in turn to see the doctor where in the UK it was always a private affair one to one behind a closed door.
from the differences I have seen or experienced it has made me more aware of alternatives to the simple things or expectations I took for granted in the UK.
another informative story and thanks for the reminder of dealing with taxes and cars .
.-= brian’s latest blog ..Istanbul: Bosphorus an inspiring friend =-.

Madeline, your post made me smile as I recalled my own experiences with opening bank accounts, getting any kind of official papers and generally figuring out stuff which doesn’t make sense (to me). And I loved reading your blog post about your id card adventure! I bet it sounds like a scene from a slapstick comedy to some, but to us in the know it’s certainly not funny at the time when you’re running about with your heart thumping feeling completely out of your depth.

Until very recently, I would get annoyed and I would compare everything with the oh-so perfect western ways of doing things. Now, I’m slowly beginning to think that’s an awfully narrow-minded way to view other people and places. And, unfortunately, there are many who can be intolerant and unyielding to new ways – I don’t want to be one of them. No-one has to do things the ways other do. If their way is different, or harder, then who am I to judge?

I think this is how I’ve shifted in my expatriatism – embracing that my way isn’t always the only or best way. You’ve made such a great point.

I agree that with times, our being expatriates become less important and our mundane reality takes place. I believe it is the sign that we have successfully established ourselves as ourselves, not as “someone different from others.” We might feel less exotic (and lose the fresh feeling) but at the same time, being in the expatriate state becomes semi-permanent which we might had been longing (it’s often boring and unnoticable when we reach our goal).