Self mute: choosing a world-flung life when you’re language-averse

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in American culture,ANASTASIA ASHMAN,culture,identity,society

Missent to Bangkok by A.Ashman

By ANASTASIA ASHMAN
When I was a girl I had an office — and a mailbox. Besides filling order forms we’d salvaged from local companies going out of business, what I loved most were the messages I’d trade with my sisters. Plus, my grandmother nicknamed me “motormouth”.

Years later an astrologer pointed out Virgo in my Third House of communication, a sign ruled by Mercury, the very planet of information transfer. (Symbol above.) Mercury also rules Virgo, some kind of communication double whammy.

But loving to communicate is not the same thing as communicating well. Nor does it mean that communication comes easily.

According to family lore my first sentence was a complete one at the advanced age of two. Developmental specialists — yes, they checked me out, mute toddler — concluded I wasn’t comfortable with my own baby talk.

So imagine the paradox of studying eight languages. Traveling to more than 30 countries. Choosing a world-flung life that often surrounds me with people who don’t speak English. I remain language-resistant. I’m the monolingual American you hear so much about, and the muted presence so many of the people around me perhaps don’t hear at all.

Today fellow writer Amanda van Mulligen’s post hits home. She questions how self-expression can pierce a language barrier, especially if you’re shy. That would be me. Shy to speak like a baby.

What are you drawn to in life that doesn’t come easily to you?
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Anastasia Ashman is a California-born writer/producer of neoculture entertainment based in Istanbul. This series covers what’s crossing the mind and desk of expat+HAREM’s founder.
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Related posts:

  1. How do you say…me?
  2. Speaking of class: what social story do you tell when you talk?
  3. Lost words: saying goodbye to mono-language
  4. Expat type two: splitting the definition

Tagged as: Amanda van Mulligen, astrology, baby talk, child development, childhood, communication, English, expat+HAREM, expat+HAREM founder, expat+HAREM founder series, founder's desk, information transfer, language, language barrier, Mercury, monolingual, self-expression, Third House, toddler, Virgo

  • Marina Khonina

    Just saw your blog post, Anastasia. It’s strangely comforting to know that I’m not the only one struggling with these issues. “Not wanting to sound like a baby” is a great insight, I think.

    When I first found myself in an English-speaking environment at the age of 12, I absolutely refused to speak for the first two months or so. In class, I would write notes to my teachers instead of speaking. I was fortunate to have a very patient and understanding teacher, and eventually I sensed my English language skills were mature enough to warrant speaking. The rest, of course, is history. :)

    I recently started lessons in Portuguese (http://bit.ly/MangoPortuguese), and the pressure to start speaking before I’m ready is immense. Perhaps it’s a good time to try changing my tried-and-true “silent” approach to language learning.

    And yes, speaking to the cat helps. Though, as I’ve repeatedly observed, even multilingual individuals are strongly inclined to use their first language when speaking to babies and animals. Now that’s an interesting topic for research. :)

  • Marina Khonina

    Just saw your blog post, Anastasia. It’s strangely comforting to know that I’m not the only one struggling with these issues. “Not wanting to sound like a baby” is a great insight, I think.

    When I first found myself in an English-speaking environment at the age of 12, I absolutely refused to speak for the first two months or so. In class, I would write notes to my teachers instead of speaking. I was fortunate to have a very patient and understanding teacher, and eventually I sensed my English language skills were mature enough to warrant speaking. The rest, of course, is history. :)

    I recently started lessons in Portuguese (http://bit.ly/MangoPortuguese), and the pressure to start speaking before I’m ready is immense. Perhaps it’s a good time to try changing my tried-and-true “silent” approach to language learning.

    And yes, speaking to the cat helps. Though, as I’ve repeatedly observed, even multilingual individuals are strongly inclined to use their first language when speaking to babies and animals. Now that’s an interesting topic for research. :)

  • http://www.retaggr.com/Card/AnastasiaAshman Anastasia M. Ashman

    I enjoyed this post by Marina Khonina at Mango, the blog about online language learning. She writes: “Woe unto me, a poor polyglot who can learn any language but can speak none.”

    Her solution? Pretend you speak it. Practice on the cat.

    I might just try it.

  • http://www.expatharem.com/identity-messages/ Anastasia

    I enjoyed this post by Marina Khonina at Mango, the blog about online language learning. She writes: “Woe unto me, a poor polyglot who can learn any language but can speak none.”

    Her solution? Pretend you speak it. Practice on the cat.

    I might just try it.

  • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

    This is a great post, Anastasia, and I must agree that Amanda’s post also resonated greatly with me.

    Oddly enough, the thing I’m drawn to in life that doesn’t come easy to me emotionally is travel and being an expat.

    When I was younger I had no problem moving around, visiting places, adapting, making new friends and all of that Third Culture Kid stuff. But the older I get, the harder all these things are for me. I’ve started having horrible panic when it comes to flying, the thought of relocating any time in the near future cripples me with fear, and (aside from my online life) I am much more wary of befriending new people than I ever have been.

    Yet my whole life is about travel, about being an expat, a TCK, a global nomad. Much of my identity is based on and changes depending on my location, new or old.

    The irony would make me smile if I didn’t find the whole thing so upsetting. :-)

    As a sidenote, I know how the influence of Mercury can be a strong one in a personality. I was born under a Mercury Retrograde, which sometimes causes me problems in my ability to communicate my needs verbally. Written communication seems to be exempt (thankfully!) and *everything* flows better for me when Mercury returns to a Retrograde, just when everyone else’s communication is falling apart. Strange, no?

    • http://www.retaggr.com/Card/AnastasiaAshman Anastasia M. Ashman

      Thanks Sezin. This phenomenon of your mobility wearing thin sounds familiar to me too. Maybe it’s a function of age, too. I still like to explore but the way I prefer to do it is different — lower impact. Traveling alone across a continent for weeks at a time may have been exciting in the past ( the logistics! the surprises! figuring it out on the fly!) but today would demand inner resources I’d rather put into a different kind of new territory.

      Mercury retrograde sounds like your equillibrium, what a unusual advantage to have!

  • http://www.Sezin.org Sezin

    This is a great post, Anastasia, and I must agree that Amanda’s post also resonated greatly with me.

    Oddly enough, the thing I’m drawn to in life that doesn’t come easy to me emotionally is travel and being an expat.

    When I was younger I had no problem moving around, visiting places, adapting, making new friends and all of that Third Culture Kid stuff. But the older I get, the harder all these things are for me. I’ve started having horrible panic when it comes to flying, the thought of relocating any time in the near future cripples me with fear, and (aside from my online life) I am much more wary of befriending new people than I ever have been.

    Yet my whole life is about travel, about being an expat, a TCK, a global nomad. Much of my identity is based on and changes depending on my location, new or old.

    The irony would make me smile if I didn’t find the whole thing so upsetting. :-)

    As a sidenote, I know how the influence of Mercury can be a strong one in a personality. I was born under a Mercury Retrograde, which sometimes causes me problems in my ability to communicate my needs verbally. Written communication seems to be exempt (thankfully!) and *everything* flows better for me when Mercury returns to a Retrograde, just when everyone else’s communication is falling apart. Strange, no?

    • http://www.expatharem.com/identity-messages/ Anastasia

      Thanks Sezin. This phenomenon of your mobility wearing thin sounds familiar to me too. Maybe it’s a function of age, too. I still like to explore but the way I prefer to do it is different — lower impact. Traveling alone across a continent for weeks at a time may have been exciting in the past ( the logistics! the surprises! figuring it out on the fly!) but today would demand inner resources I’d rather put into a different kind of new territory.

      Mercury retrograde sounds like your equillibrium, what a unusual advantage to have!

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