Spirit of the season(ing): counterculture recipe for family harmony

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By ANASTASIA ASHMAN

Blood and marriage draw families together but often whole worlds continue to separate us as individuals. Lifestyle choices. Generations. In-laws. Siblings. Achieving – and maintaining — harmony is a challenge we all seem to face.

Some clans need more help than others. Around our holiday table in 1979, my fractious relatives were gifted with a sudden ability to perceive each other as the loveable characters we truly are, every day of the year. Our secret ingredient for interplanetary peace? An unseen substance in the stuffing.

The basic recipe: Rivalrous teenage sisters. Strait-laced mom. Judgmental 70-something grandparents who abhor visiting funkytown Berkeley (“Nowhere to park the Oldsmobile! Don’t understand the furniture!”).

Add a hefty, home-grown Christmas present from off-the-grid Oregon satellites. Stir: New York Beatnik dad boasting he’s stuffing the turkey with the hippie herb.

At last minute toss in grandparents’ newly widowed neighbor, the sweet and fragile soul Mary Jane. Carve the bird, wait 20 minutes for cosmic family consciousness to settle. Serve in a rosy light.

When Chicken Soup for the Soul debuted fifteen years ago, to my ironic sensibility the upbeat anthology title sounded more like a Saturday Night Live “Deep Thoughts” skit than what would become the bestselling paperback series in the history of publishing. My “Thanksgiving With Mary Jane”**, which appears in “All in the Family” –  the new Chicken Soup volume — also seemed at the time more joke than enduring lesson about who and what we love.

Orthodox or not, care to share your holiday recipe for family harmony?
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Anastasia Ashman is a California-born writer/producer of neoculture entertainment based in Istanbul. This series covers what’s crossing the mind and desk of expat+HAREM’s founder.
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**READ FULL TEXT OF THIS THANKSGIVING WITH MARYJANE ESSAY ONLINE at RedRoom, November 2010 or here at expat+HAREM, where you can comment.

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Tagged as: 1979, Anastasia Ashman, anthology, Beatnik, Berkeley, Chicken Soup for the Soul, expat+HAREM founder, expat+HAREM founder series, family, founder's desk, generation, harmony, holiday, lifestyle choice, marijuana, Oregon, peace, recipe, season, seasoning, secret ingredient, teenage, Thanksgiving

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  • http://www.retaggr.com/Card/AnastasiaAshman Anastasia M. Ashman

    Thanks all! From what I can tell Tara, families across cultures all have figured out a way to survive these get-togethers, like clearly defined roles (think of the tv-watchers, the kitchen bustlers, the decoration committees, the clowns).

    The publisher wrote today to say they’ve had to reprint already and it’ll be featured in stand-alone Christmas displays at the shops around Thanksgiving….”at CVS”. How subversive! A reviewer on Amazon says it puts the ‘fun’ in dysfunctional, which certainly encapsulates my story.

  • http://www.expatharem.com/identity-messages/ Anastasia

    Thanks all! From what I can tell Tara, families across cultures all have figured out a way to survive these get-togethers, like clearly defined roles (think of the tv-watchers, the kitchen bustlers, the decoration committees, the clowns).

    The publisher wrote today to say they’ve had to reprint already and it’ll be featured in stand-alone Christmas displays at the shops around Thanksgiving….”at CVS”. How subversive! A reviewer on Amazon says it puts the ‘fun’ in dysfunctional, which certainly encapsulates my story.

  • http://www.rosedeniz.blogspot.com Rose

    This is great! Congrats! Our recipe? Casseroles, Christmas music that hasn’t stopped since Thanksgiving, and champagne while my dad makes the turkey. xo

  • Anonymous

    This is great! Congrats! Our recipe? Casseroles, Christmas music that hasn’t stopped since Thanksgiving, and champagne while my dad makes the turkey. xo

  • http://www.madinpursuit.com Susan Barrett Price

    My family is Irish. So we just need enough alcohol to achieve a lovable melancholy and a small kitchen with too few chairs (the energy is higher when people are constantly shifting seats). The stories and the laughter flow.

  • http://www.madinpursuit.com Susan Barrett Price

    My family is Irish. So we just need enough alcohol to achieve a lovable melancholy and a small kitchen with too few chairs (the energy is higher when people are constantly shifting seats). The stories and the laughter flow.

  • http://www.taralutmanagacayak.blogspot.com Tara

    Congratulations Anastasia!

    Harmonious or not, the depiction of your family has a nice melody.

    Have you found that the gathering of family during the holidays has the same themes across cultures?

    During the past few Turkish holidays with my husband’s family I’ve noticed that they grumble and get cranky just like mine does when we gather together. It makes me smile to know we have that in common too.

  • http://www.taralutmanagacayak.blogspot.com Tara

    Congratulations Anastasia!

    Harmonious or not, the depiction of your family has a nice melody.

    Have you found that the gathering of family during the holidays has the same themes across cultures?

    During the past few Turkish holidays with my husband’s family I’ve noticed that they grumble and get cranky just like mine does when we gather together. It makes me smile to know we have that in common too.

  • http://www.expatwomenentrepreneurs.com Karen Armstrong

    LOVE the way you write, Anastasia… “the basic recipe” paragraph should go down in the annals of literary history!

    As for my holiday recipe for family harmony… (not nearly as witty and entertaining as yours, mind you)… here it is:

    First, be at harmony with yourself. How can you expect to experience it with others if it doesn’t exist within you?

    Second, stay with light topics. If you encounter any stuck, stubborn people who are set in their ways or try to force you into a “discussion” (ie. argument), be like water… flow gracefully around them.

    Third, look for the good in whoever you’re with… as hard as it my be to see, it’s in there. Because, in the end, isn’t goodness what the holidays are really all about?

  • http://www.expatwomenentrepreneurs.com Karen Armstrong

    LOVE the way you write, Anastasia… “the basic recipe” paragraph should go down in the annals of literary history!

    As for my holiday recipe for family harmony… (not nearly as witty and entertaining as yours, mind you)… here it is:

    First, be at harmony with yourself. How can you expect to experience it with others if it doesn’t exist within you?

    Second, stay with light topics. If you encounter any stuck, stubborn people who are set in their ways or try to force you into a “discussion” (ie. argument), be like water… flow gracefully around them.

    Third, look for the good in whoever you’re with… as hard as it my be to see, it’s in there. Because, in the end, isn’t goodness what the holidays are really all about?

  • Monika

    Congrats, I’ll take a look for it on the bookstore shelves…

  • Monika

    Congrats, I’ll take a look for it on the bookstore shelves…

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